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    Try, Trust, Try and Trust Again Chapter 18

    Story written on May 30, 2020 by SuperK.
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    6 votes, average: 5.00 out of 56 votes, average: 5.00 out of 56 votes, average: 5.00 out of 56 votes, average: 5.00 out of 56 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5 (6 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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    Number of Comments: 14
    Words: 4924
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=104268
    Author Notes:

    Robert Kennard was 6 ft and handsome by all sense of the word.  He had been the Mayor of Yuma for as long as Tina could remember.  Her father had a quiet sense about him, and he was well liked.  He had a way of saying the right thing that calmed those around him.  But,

    Robert Kennard was 6 ft and handsome by all sense of the word.  He had been the Mayor of Yuma for as long as Tina could remember.  Her father had a quiet sense about him, and he was well liked.  He had a way of saying the right thing that calmed those around him.  But, when at home, Tina’s mother was in control.   When the children would look to their father for help, he would always say ”do what your mother says.”  He took care of his family the way a man did back then, but it never seemed to be enough for Tina’s mother.  When Tina’s father became friendly with his secretary, Tina’s mother accused her father of having an affair of the heart.  They read poetry and her mother felt that was the greatest violation of their vows.  Poetry was emotional, it came from the heart and he shared his heart with his secretary.  That night so long ago, the kids all gathered around the door listening to their mother, as their father never said a word.  Arguing with their mother was useless and he was well practiced at avoiding a conflict.  She started with pleading him not to leave, then the accusatory anger of his affair and then the threat of never seeing the children.  The three children watched as their father walked out the door with what he could carry and never returned. 

    Tina had loved and respected her father and saw how over the years he had become an expert at avoiding conflicts with Tina’s mother.  Leaving was the only way to regain some level of control and avoid her demanding mother for one final time. Tina never blamed her father for leaving, she saw it as the best thing for him. Even if he wanted to stay, her mother would have never given him peace about her perceived belief that an affair had occurred with his secretary.

    Tina pulled off the highway and parked as the realization of how similar to her father she had managed her relationship with Bette, for that matter all her intimate relationships.  She sorted quickly through the few long term relationships she had over the years, Tom Hood in college, Eric, Carrie and of course Bette.  Did she avoid conflicts with them?  She was never a yeller and definitely never saw herself as aggressive.  She always thought herself more as a peacekeeper.  Things that were apparently incompatible and did not seem worth the squabble, she would just let it go.  But as she thought more about it, her avoidance could be mistaking for acquiescence, when she really wasn’t in agreement.  Tom Hood, the passionate guitar player was an emotional arguer and Tina would just sit and let him yell and vent, eventually withdrawing from the argument altogether. There were small inconsequential relationships after him and then Eric. She recalled one of the arguments with Eric just before they broke up.  He pursued her pretty aggressively because she would not talk to him about what was going on with their relationship.   Both of them were exhausted from the push pull pattern she had initiated and he finally just left.  Carrie and her really didn’t argue, Carrie would not escalate a disagreement to an argument.  It was disturbing to Tina because left to herself, she notice the pattern of avoidance.  Bette was a fixer, so if Tina didn’t say how she felt, Bette would fill in the blanks, often misinterpreting Tina completely. Bette was someone engrained with the need and ability to solve, sitting idly by was absolute torture. Tina could see now how this pattern of withdrawing from communicating eroded the foundation of their relationship. She also noticed how she chose her love interests. Passionate strong individuals attracted her and pursued her to the point of her falling into the relationship. When she felt overwhelmed in a passionate and complicated relationship she would leave, falling  into an easy uncomplicated calm relationship soon after. And when she would eventually get bored with the calm, she would go back to the passion.  It was almost like she would take a break from the emotional intense individuals that she truly craved.

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    Comments

    1. This was a good chapter. I like the rationale behind Tina’s behavior and her past. I wish she was talking to Bette more but maybe that will come. I feel like Bette is unraveling and Tina is out of the country. Not good. Makes me anxious Super K which shows that I am invested in this story. How will Tina continue therapy while she is in Vancouver especially now that she seems to be at a crucial juncture in her awareness of her decision making. And Bette made some really good points to Shane that she should be saying to Tina. TALK YOU TWO right now. I would put them in time out LOL

      Please post soon. BK

      • BK

        Hahaha… yes lots of stuff for our poor Tina. I am taking you all on a roller coaster and we are now climbing the big hill before the big dip.

        Hold on, we are not quite there yet.

        K

        • Ooookkkkkk. My seatbelt is fastened and I am here for the roller coaster even though it makes me anxious. I always hated the climb up the hill… LOL
          Write soon –
          BK

    2. Great chapter… yes, I can see that Tina has always been good at conflict avoidance – pulling away when things really need to be addressed and resolved until the situation becomes so intolerable that fleeing seems to be the only answer. And when she realizes that she replaces her relationship of passion with a relationship of clam until its gets boring and then wants her passion relationship again – college boyfriend (passion) to Eric (clam and boring) to Bette ( passion) to Henry (clam and boring) to Bette (passion again) to Carrie (clam and boring) and now she wants Bette (passion again). So how does she reconcile this cycle? Does it really have to do with Bette’s’ behavior and the conflicts she has with her? Or is it that its a part of personality which she loves as a dear part of her particular behavior and then decides later that’s its just too much and she needs to get away? And the fact that Tina is beginning to see this pattern of behavior, is there something that can be done about it?

      Bette too has her problems – being the fixer type, I can see her going absolutely crazy not being able to identify what needs to be fixed yet knowing the problem is there. She also is feeling a high degree of inadequacy in that she is going through these cycles with Tina and they keep failing. And it get worse with each round. This time it really appeared that Tina was gone forever. And now that she is indicating that she wants to try again, the fear of going through the hurt and pain if they fail again makes her reluctant to get vested again in a retry unless something is substantially different from the past. So Bette is in a dilemma for which there are no answers. Yes, I can see she having a hard time just keeping it all together.

      The whole situation makes me queasy. I feel the want each other almost as much as they want life itself but have no idea on how to make that happen. The fear of failure is very real to both of them. And not trying is also a guarantee of more pain and suffering as well for both them as they will always have to deal with each other about Angie. What to do?

      This is a very good story….. I really hope you have a clear plan how to resolve this mess for our girls. It may be painful and stressful to get there, but these two can live a happy life together. We just need to get them to a place where they can. Thank you for giving us such a thought provoking chapter….

      • Martha

        I love the way you dissect a story. This relationship is so complicated that it is taking time to get a good handle on why they do what they do and why it is so hard for them to pull it together for the long run..

        I am trying to make sense out of complications in a relationship. I am glad everyone is sticking with it.

        I do have an endgame.

        K

    3. Glad to know you have an endgame !!!

      I think they should be talking more bur what do I know!!

      Please come back with another chapter and put me out of my misery !
      SG

    4. There’s so much about this masterpiece that really makes me think and ponder.

      Tina.
      Revelations about her core personality and how she see’s herself is really coming full force. Domineering Mom that can never be pleased, accepting, nor trusting in revealing “her” insecurities has been the model for Tina’s passive aggressive style of relating. The therapy sessions can really yield positives going forward. I figure the Therapist will be able to give Tina homework that will eventually lead to Tina learning how she can voice her true feelings without condemnation. It takes soooo much energy when it seems that there is a forever push up hill when dealing with a domineering loved one.

      Was thinking about how Tina & big Sis were “caught” by their Mom, and I wonder if Tina ended up being blamed for that activity. Was she made to feel like the initiator of that relationship? Wondered who had “played that game” with her Sister???

      Bette.
      Feel like Bette totally likes that she is comfortable with being outgoing and bold in her profession and with most people, but the “why isn’t that enough” for her most personal relationships really has her pretty much in a tailspin. Tina has yet to articulate to her satisfaction EXACTLY what Tina seems to resent about her. Tina keeps leaving without expectation and has refused to give explanation.

      Feel like Bette would accept an invitation to attend therapy with Tina, but only after Tina has taken firm steps to start revealing her true heart & soul honestly to Bette, withOUT blaming her for being Bette because Bette has in many ways learned to temper her “I know exactly who I am and what I want” personality.

      She has learned how detrimental her zeal to make all “family” decisions withOUT finding out what the other members want. She’s learned that an unyielding “it’s my way or the highway” attitude does not work.

      • I am so glad you liked it. This is quite a mouthful for sure. But Tina is almost 50 and baggage builds up. Trying to move through it all was necessary in my opinion if her and Bette had a chance to reconcile.

        Now that everything is on the table, lets see how they manage it together.

        K

    5. Ding Ding Ding…..a revelation! Tina avoids conflict. That’s how passive aggressiveness comes into play. Tina aggravates me. When you are upset about something with someone, tell that person. It’s not fair to the person you’re upset with.
      Bette is again a train wreck waiting to happen.

      I love it!!! ????

    6. Tina’s emotional growth was stunted by her childhood experiences. This lead to avoidance of conflict. She doesn’t deal with fear either so she bails.

      Bette is a ticking time bomb set to implode. The only one whose has gotten to Bette was Tina. Hopefully, Tina and Bette will continuing to talk while Tina’s in Vancouver.

      You’re killing me softly.

      • The research involved in this story has been so time consuming but hopefully realistic enough that our Tina’s past decisions now make sense.

        The story is still unfolding now that Tina understand where it came from, Now what she does with this will lead her to her next path.

        K

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