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‘You want to know what happened? I…fu….’ I struggle to chase away the familiar feeling of nausea that surges through me. Taking a gulp of whatever it is in that silver pocket bottle I try again. ‘I cheated on her.’
‘Bloody hell…’ Her jaw drops and she looks at me wide eyed. Another kick in my stomach. ‘…you had an affair?’
‘It happened once.’ The acid starts finding its way up my gullet again and I push myself from the bed, knocking down the lamp from the nightstand on my way. ‘Arrggg I fucking hate myself.’
‘And you told Bette?’
‘Of course I did.’ I reply insulted by her question. I might be a cheater but not a liar. As if that makes any difference I scoff at myself.
‘Of course you did.’ She rolls her eyes and calmly gets up to pick up the lamp. I couldn’t imagine a better friend during any crisis. ‘Do you…’
‘Do I what?’
‘Well… do you still love Bette?’
‘I do. I really do.. ‘ I whisper and drop myself back onto the bed. Exhausted. So fucking exhausted. If I could only sleep forever.
‘Then we should get you back on your feet…’ Renee says walking into the bedroom with a bowl of soup in her hands exchanging a quick look with Helena. ‘…so you can tell her that yourself one day.’
A crack and the wood block in the fire pit in front of me breaks in two. Taking a step back I catch the last lines of Helena’s rant about Winny and their latest fight. ‘…and then she created a bloody drama in front of the nanny. Can you imagine? I mean who cares if Maddy wants to stay up 10 minutes longer for another story? It’s not easy for her either.’
Looking away from the shining piglet butts hanging from a butcher’s stall rafter I place my hand on her shoulder. ‘Maybe she is trying to keep some sort of rhythm for her. It doesn’t mean it’s with bad intentions.’
’She’s just so… so… emotional lately.’
‘Define emotional.’ I say admiring the greenest of green zucchini and a lovely bunch of French radishes perfectly arranged as a bouquet with a red top and white bottom at the vegetable stall.