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    Uncharted Territory

     I close the door of the bedroom behind me. The silence works on my nerves. There’s that door again. My hand reaches for the doorknob. When anxiety and fear grab me by the tongue and dry my mouth, panic rises. I’ve been there before, I know the feeling. The door is locked. She locked it long time ago, together with the part of my heart that had been dreaming until then. Gathering all my courage I slowly turn the key. I blink my eyes, blinded for a moment, when I turn on the light.  

    One day, not long before we moved back to LA, we walked through the streets of Paris, daydreaming out loud, our personal movie with us as the main characters, as we stumbled upon this perfect crib with canopy in front of the window of this cute little baby store. I pulled her inside and in love and without thinking we bought it and shipped it to LA. When we arrived here we set it up in this room and in the beginning we used to come here from time to time. Until the plot changed and made its dramatic swift. I reach out and touch the white wood, wiping off the layer of dust that it collected over time. The small teddy bear that I couldn’t stop from buying in that same store sits on the tiny mattress the buttons that are meant to be eyes seem to be mocking me. I recoil backwards until I find the wall for support. Sliding down, hot tears that I managed to keep at bay ever since she called me, stream uncontrollably down my cheeks. Burying my head in my hands, my loud sobs carry through the empty room and resound in the empty house.    

    Sitting on the floor all the memories of that year here hit me all at once. The waves crash over me and I drown in them. The discussions, the disappointment, broken promises, the awful fights, the scattered dreams, missing her, and eventually that all overwhelming loneliness.

    ‘Bette where are you?’ Kit’s voice trails into the room and her footsteps fill the house. It’s almost intrusive. She’s coming to take me to the airport and I will finally face all the consequences. ‘We should…’ Her voice on the threshold, not stepping over.

    Comments

    1. I got a lump in my throat after reading this story.

      Bette who brought back old memories that were so painful but also gave her insight into her emotional state at the time.

      Both Bette and Tina have done things wrong in their relationship such as discussing what they feel and want, what they are afraid of. And now they are both bombarded with a feeling of guilt, a feeling that they must work on together and individually.
      Bette has already taken the first small step by talking and giving the teddy bear to Tina.

      It takes time to get their relationship back to normal, let them take that time but make sure they do good and fun things so that they also have a positive feeling or memory in the time when things are a bit more difficult.

      A great story!

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