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    Uncharted Territory

    ‘W-what… what are you…?’

    I don’t answer, I can barely breath. The front shell drops open and hits the standing lamp, for a moment seems to float mid-air. A thud. The pop of the bursting light bulb. And then a deafening silence. Those buttons, that are supposed to be eyes, stare back at me.

    She makes a high pitched sound, somewhere between a cry and a howl. A tear drops on the furry cheek of the teddy bear in my hands. Brusque I wipe it away, now is not the time for a self-pity party.

    I turn around. Time stops ticking away. The air is oddly still. I’m not ok, because she’s not ok. I see her pain. I feel it. It surges into me. She tries to keep standing. As always. Like she did after three no-shows at the clinic. After every dinner I missed or any other occasion. After her birthday that I ruined. After every weekend I promised and never actually booked. After letting her go alone to Renee’s birthday. After every time that I shut her out and pushed her away. But everyone has its breaking point. She slides down the wall. Defeated. And buries her head in her hands.

    ‘Nuit.’ Night I whisper sitting down on the bed, clenching onto the furry toy as if my life depends on it. When she was learning for her French exams, like every person learning a foreign language, she had to practice opposites. Pacing through our living room with a stack of paper in her hands for hours at a time, she drove me nuts with reciting a list of unconnected words and their opposites. Somehow it stuck and grew into our thing. Wherever we would be, whether it was in a restaurant, in the car, on the phone or during a movie, one of us would all of the sudden say a word and the other would reply with the opposite. It was a subtle sign, saying I’m here. She doesn’t reply nor move and just sits there with her head down. I don’t know what to do. I wish I would be more like her. She always knows what to do and what to say. Like with Maddy. She would be a natural mother.

    Comments

    1. I got a lump in my throat after reading this story.

      Bette who brought back old memories that were so painful but also gave her insight into her emotional state at the time.

      Both Bette and Tina have done things wrong in their relationship such as discussing what they feel and want, what they are afraid of. And now they are both bombarded with a feeling of guilt, a feeling that they must work on together and individually.
      Bette has already taken the first small step by talking and giving the teddy bear to Tina.

      It takes time to get their relationship back to normal, let them take that time but make sure they do good and fun things so that they also have a positive feeling or memory in the time when things are a bit more difficult.

      A great story!

    2. B

      This story is a lost gem. I began it when you started it, but life and all, well I forgot about it. I came across it yesterday and began rereading.

      You beautifully capture the emotional drift, longing, loneliness and most def guilt. Tina has her guilt it is tangible. It was a bad choice and act that she can put her finger on, but Bette…. Her guilt is more subtle, deep in the layers of time. It was a gradual act, one that is not easily recognized. Having her come to realize it and put it out there, taking blame for her part in all the mess.

      So well written.

      K

    3. This story is so much more then just ff. It’s more like a novel. Tibette is portrayed more as real people then just that perfect couple that no one sees in real life. It’s breathtakingly beautiful. So many times I had lump in my throat reading it. So many times I was just speachless. Thank you for taking your time to write such wonderful story. I really can’t wait for more.

    4. I’m so inconsistent when I comment other people’s story but this one is very special to me. I’m still heartbroken over chapter 16 and only one other story ever made me feel that way. It was “…the eternal rocks beneath…”, also on LesFan.

      I don’t know if you have any plans to ever post the next chapters, but if you do, gosh I would fall at your feet with gratitude. This story is way too good to be left unfinished.

      • Hi Cam,

        Of course we’re going to finish it. Just life took over for a little while. This story is too dear to us, to not finish it. Thank you and everyone else for your great comments and support. Truly appreciated!

        Just have a little more patience.. we will be back soon and do our best not to dissapoint!

        Have a nice weekend.

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