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#10 Touch Tones: Alice Surmises
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”Okay, I’ve seen enough. This won’t work.”
”No, it will, Alice,” Bette takes her phone back, ”as long as it’s not raining. There are a few pretty big holes in the roof of my mother’s barn, but in the desert they get maybe a thimble full of rainfall a year, if that.”
”We’re having a party in a barn.” Tina agrees.
”Thimbles of rain, huh? Sounds like a bad song title, but that’s not the only problem.” Resolute I look over my coffee cup and try to stare them down. Then, I frown. ”Wait. Who’s barn did you say that was? And what were you two doing in Santa Fe, anyway?”
”Alice, something unexpected has happened.” Bette manages between wolfing big bites of her spinach omelet. I honestly don’t know how she does it and stays so slim.
”Like what?” I ask skeptically, unsure if I can take any more big surprises.
”We had to check it out first, Alice. Before we told anyone.” Bette cautions.
”Oh God! No! You’re moving away to Santa Fe, aren’t you?” I cry back at them, ”Tasha dumped me – I know you called it – the third wheel thingy with Jamie. Fuck it, fuck it!”
”Jesus Christ! Alice! Calm down, I’m sorry about you and Tasha. I liked her.” Bette looks at Tina for her read, ”We liked her, didn’t we?”
”Yes, the until recently reconvened ”We” did.” Tina assures her. ”Alice, I’m sorry. When did this happen?”
”Friday night that bled into a very fucked up Saturday.” I feel Bette studying me while she eats, and I look away from them for a moment. I know they wanted to institutionalize me the last time I had a nasty break-up. I realize I was saved from being tied to a bed and shot up with blue-colored drugs because with a new baby they simply didn’t have the time to commit me.
But they have time now. Unless, of course, they’re moving to Santa Fe. Dammit, I would really hate that, but I really don’t want to go into the psych hospital either.
”Well, I take back all my liking of Tasha. She’s persona non grata to me now.” Bette slices her hand to show me: Tasha’s toast.
”Babe, Alice is probably still in love with her.” Tina shakes her head at Bette, and then with a probing look to me. ”But Alice, are you, okay? You look fine, but are you?”
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Thank you so much for updating. I love this story and all the quirky twists and turns.
Thanks so much for reading and dropping your comment. I’m back after a prolonged holiday away. Next story up soon! Please enjoy!
Blackbird
So many great lines…mixing up anxiety and depression pills…the Winnebago…the hoedown. ..can’t wait to read that episode. Alice…so funny. I identified with her most…not so pretty, a little nerdy as she described herself, and a bit needy. But god she had some of the best lines and facial expressions, didn’t she?
And this “not a beginner’s starter kit”…oh jeez that made me snort!!
Wonderful update as I’ve always come to expect from you. I hope your holiday was pleasant and restful. Welcome back!
I love the concept of your story!! Great Read!
I liked the beginners’ starter kit too! But this was epic: “After all, to most everyone Bette Porter is kind of a legion, and they’d love to be her friend, swim in her pool, get drunk on her sex appeal, and laugh at her wit and sophisticated sarcasm.”
Thanx for coming back to us ! And, yes we missed you !
Here’s a comment I got via email –
Lillian wrote: “Comment: Where do I begin…everything about this storyline was appealing.
I can feel for Alice; she is beginning to feel out of the loop. Love how Alice covers her back by
having the plan to use Jenny as her scape goat is need be.
Cute…Tasha’s a #Republican…She’s going to earnestly #FuckMeOver…(good thinking of placing this in)
Funny, but true..Shane is not a beginner’s Starter Kit…Bette would know that for sure.
If someone has a crush on a person…she isn’t going to take advice…law of nature.
The best part for me is: “After all to most everyone Bette Porter is kind of a legion,
& they love to be her friend, swim in her pool, get drunk on her sex appeal, laugh at her
wit & sophisticated sarcasm…who does this remind you of: Jennifer Beals and her
fans adoration…yes, I am in that fan club…
Anxiously awaiting for the continuation….”
” she’s like a masterful or very lucky sailor who’s managed to swing her bow back around, and once again, skillfully catch her sails with the wind.”…….love it …..as well as the other”epic lines” Ben Mac referenced…must be quite a drag for Bette &Tina to live in the fish bowl that is West Hollywood …..can’t wait for Alice to meet Bette’s mom…oh what “wit and sophisticated sarcasm “there will be…thanks BB!
So many bits of snappy dialogue and insight in this installment SHOULD be “lingering” in my mind, and yet the one that is? “Lingering like a far in an elevator.” What am I, twelve?
Sigh. “Lingering like a FART in an elevator,” not “far.”
I have missed your great wit and scene descriptions. Welcome back!
I love that you all have pulled little zings of dialogue out -the lines that were memorable to you and that you felt something reading. I do love everyone of the lines you’ve brought up, so far, especially the one about Bette being a masterful or very lucky sailor and somehow catching her sails once again with the wind. I felt the energy of that line when I wrote it.
Another favorite of mine, that still makes me laugh when I read it is, the description of Bette that Alice coalesces when she says that women are holding out hope that Bette may once again lose her mind and her morals and “lie once against amongst the lesbian proletariat.”
That tickled me when Alice brought that up. It was just another in a long list of Bette’s “ooops, and fuck ups” that have had such unintended consequences for her and everyone else.
So! Hey Everybody! Thanks so much for reading and letting me know you are enjoying the tale, and Season 7 as I’m spooling it out for your enjoyment.
Blackbird
You as always maintaining a high standard in this
history as a rich dialogue in describing bette and Tina, and
his legion of fans.
Awaiting new chapter.
10 Stars.
Rich Alice musings you captured perfectly! Your dedication to character development and expression is admirable. Thank you for posting.