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#10 Touch Tones: Alice Surmises
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God! I feel my eyes burning and then, they suddenly water and relax because here are Tina and Bette ordering breakfast, and I realize I’m dying to hear all about their mysterious weekend in Santa Fe. My gloomy depression immediately lifts.
”Alice!” Bette starts toward me before Tina catches her attention, again.
”Babe, Lis and Marilyn saw us on stage with Gloria, and have decided to get married, too. They’ve been together twenty years.”
And of course, up comes Tina’s hand so they can all admire her enormous engagement ring, and Bette beams another thousand watt smile at their new friends. It’s then that I realize – she’s either a masterful or very lucky sailor who’s managed to swing their bow back around, and once again, skillfully catch the sails with the wind.
I find myself in awe as Tina’s ring flashes, and I witness their complete transformation from a month ago. I am mystified. How does anyone make any relationship work? I was certain they were done for.
Finally, Tina makes her way over to me as the ”order ready” bell dings, and Bette goes back to the counter to pick up their breakfast. ”Alice! You look great this morning.” Tina smiles and looks incredibly relaxed.
”Thanks! And you’re good after your weekend in Santa Fe? I love Santa Fe. I mean I really love Santa Fe. Maybe next time when you …” I drift when I realize I’m being too needy.
”Oh! They’ll definitely be a next time. We’re having a wedding party in a barn at the place we stayed. Bette took pictures.”
”A barn?!” I start off cross. ”But Helena and I are planning your party!”
”Different party, Alice. At this one, you don’t have to do a thing. Just come and have a good time. Bette’s getting everyone Winnebagos to stay in – something like the movie trailers.”
”Winnebagos? Seriously? And here I imagined you all weekend in a great posada. Getting spa treatments or whatever.”
Tina calls over her shoulder, ”Bette, come tell Alice about the barn and show her the pictures you took.”
”Hey, Bette.” I smile at her, take her iPhone, and begin to flip through pictures of a decrepit barn.
Tina leans into my shoulder and points, ”Along the wall that you can’t see are nailed up rattlesnake skins – that I don’t even want to think about – and we’re definitely throwing a big piece of drapery over that whole area.”
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Thank you so much for updating. I love this story and all the quirky twists and turns.
Thanks so much for reading and dropping your comment. I’m back after a prolonged holiday away. Next story up soon! Please enjoy!
Blackbird
So many great lines…mixing up anxiety and depression pills…the Winnebago…the hoedown. ..can’t wait to read that episode. Alice…so funny. I identified with her most…not so pretty, a little nerdy as she described herself, and a bit needy. But god she had some of the best lines and facial expressions, didn’t she?
And this “not a beginner’s starter kit”…oh jeez that made me snort!!
Wonderful update as I’ve always come to expect from you. I hope your holiday was pleasant and restful. Welcome back!
I love the concept of your story!! Great Read!
I liked the beginners’ starter kit too! But this was epic: “After all, to most everyone Bette Porter is kind of a legion, and they’d love to be her friend, swim in her pool, get drunk on her sex appeal, and laugh at her wit and sophisticated sarcasm.”
Thanx for coming back to us ! And, yes we missed you !
Here’s a comment I got via email –
Lillian wrote: “Comment: Where do I begin…everything about this storyline was appealing.
I can feel for Alice; she is beginning to feel out of the loop. Love how Alice covers her back by
having the plan to use Jenny as her scape goat is need be.
Cute…Tasha’s a #Republican…She’s going to earnestly #FuckMeOver…(good thinking of placing this in)
Funny, but true..Shane is not a beginner’s Starter Kit…Bette would know that for sure.
If someone has a crush on a person…she isn’t going to take advice…law of nature.
The best part for me is: “After all to most everyone Bette Porter is kind of a legion,
& they love to be her friend, swim in her pool, get drunk on her sex appeal, laugh at her
wit & sophisticated sarcasm…who does this remind you of: Jennifer Beals and her
fans adoration…yes, I am in that fan club…
Anxiously awaiting for the continuation….”
” she’s like a masterful or very lucky sailor who’s managed to swing her bow back around, and once again, skillfully catch her sails with the wind.”…….love it …..as well as the other”epic lines” Ben Mac referenced…must be quite a drag for Bette &Tina to live in the fish bowl that is West Hollywood …..can’t wait for Alice to meet Bette’s mom…oh what “wit and sophisticated sarcasm “there will be…thanks BB!
So many bits of snappy dialogue and insight in this installment SHOULD be “lingering” in my mind, and yet the one that is? “Lingering like a far in an elevator.” What am I, twelve?
Sigh. “Lingering like a FART in an elevator,” not “far.”
I have missed your great wit and scene descriptions. Welcome back!
I love that you all have pulled little zings of dialogue out -the lines that were memorable to you and that you felt something reading. I do love everyone of the lines you’ve brought up, so far, especially the one about Bette being a masterful or very lucky sailor and somehow catching her sails once again with the wind. I felt the energy of that line when I wrote it.
Another favorite of mine, that still makes me laugh when I read it is, the description of Bette that Alice coalesces when she says that women are holding out hope that Bette may once again lose her mind and her morals and “lie once against amongst the lesbian proletariat.”
That tickled me when Alice brought that up. It was just another in a long list of Bette’s “ooops, and fuck ups” that have had such unintended consequences for her and everyone else.
So! Hey Everybody! Thanks so much for reading and letting me know you are enjoying the tale, and Season 7 as I’m spooling it out for your enjoyment.
Blackbird
You as always maintaining a high standard in this
history as a rich dialogue in describing bette and Tina, and
his legion of fans.
Awaiting new chapter.
10 Stars.
Rich Alice musings you captured perfectly! Your dedication to character development and expression is admirable. Thank you for posting.