Epilogue
June 8th, 2011
Mon amour,
I can’t help but wonder where you are, as you are reading this letter.
Two years…
Are you alone now? … Or are there people around you, T?
Are you smiling? … Are those eyes of yours sparkling like they always do when you are happy?
Two years, T…
And all I can think about at this minute is how much I miss you… And how much I wish I could take you in my arms… How much I wish I could kiss your beautiful lips, and nestle my face in your neck as I tighten my grip around your warm body in a silent vow to never let you go…
But I can’t…
God, two years…
I know we agreed that it would be much better this way…
But T, is it really?
Because as I am sitting here in my gallery, looking out the window at the beautiful Place that we both love, I’m craving you so much that all I want is to get out of here and try and find you…
… But where have you gone, T?
Have you gone to the Sybille Temple where our eyes met for the first time?
Have you gone to our precious garden, the beautiful and magic guardian of our first profession of love?
Or perhaps have you gone to the Rodin Museum’s Garden…?
Two years, my love…
And as I am sitting here, looking at that beautiful picture of you on my desk and holding your own missive in my hands, I can’t help but wonder where you are now, as you are reading those words I gave to you…
… this morning…
… For our second anniversary.
I smile as I recall that other morning on our very first anniversary, and the overwhelming wave of happiness that submerged me when I discovered the precious blue paper cover that had been subtly slipped in my briefcase…
… A wave of happiness, soon tinted with amusement and awe at the thought that you were to find a similar present on the edge of your easel as soon as you woke up.
That day sealed forever our unspoken promise that none of our following anniversaries would ever go by without our very own precious barter.
Two years… Since you entered my life.
… The happiest two years of my existence.
I will never forget that moment when I read your letter giving me the answer I had yearned for ever since I had returned from Chapel Hill. I thought I was going to die from happiness and excitement…
You were coming back to me… To stay… Forever.
Your leaving New York and your whole life behind was the greatest proof of your love, and every morning waking up next to you is a miracle that shows me how incredibly lucky I am…
God, I could spend hours just watching you sleep, or paint… Just watching you and reveling in the fact that you are in my life, that you are my whole world…
Just watching you…
That night at the Rodin Museum’s Garden, T…
I had been watching you…
… For a very long time.
We had both been looking forward to that concert.
Tchaikovsky… Your favorite.
It was a private concert, but luckily those few years at the Louvre had earned me some valuable connections, and I would have gladly sucked every pompous ass on the French art scene just to see that wonderful smile on your face when I showed you the tickets.
That’s why that trip to Germany couldn’t have had a worse timing… But I had been trying to get that artist for months, and I really couldn’t afford to miss the opportunity.
You understood, and I convinced you to go to the concert without me. But I could see the shadow of disappointment on your face… And I hated the feeling.
So I took the earliest flight to Berlin, and spent the following hours on the phone and hopping from one taxi to another, in order to hunt my artist down and meet with him three hours earlier than originally planned.
By the end of the afternoon, I was in a plane back home. .. I wanted to surprise you.
I reached the museum and the beautiful notes reached my ears as soon as I entered the garden. In that moment, and more than ever, I longed to be by your side.
The audience was seated on the large lawn that led to a beautiful fountain in front of which the orchestra stood. I scanned the crowd and I was just about to walk alongside the rows, when I froze.
There you were…
I suddenly realized that I had been holding my breath, and I sighed deeply.
I walked closer to the side under the range of trees to reach your row, but there, my eyes found you again, and my breath caught.
God… You were so beautiful.
You hair was flowing loose over your shoulders, and the fitted elegant black dress that you had picked for the occasion showed your soft skin and the perfect form of your neck and shoulders. Your golden necklace and earrings were simple but gave a sophisticated touch to the overall outfit.
I couldn’t take my eyes off you. I should have walked through the rows to join you, but I couldn’t move. I just stood there, half hidden under the trees, and completely entranced by the vision of you.
T, the feeling that spread through me in that moment was like nothing I had ever felt before. It was as if the enormity of what this all meant was slowly dawning on me. Suddenly the unique combination of the beautiful moonlight and the magnificent accompanying music was shedding the most dazzling light on you… Just you… And for my eyes only.
I stood there for a long time, just watching you… Watching the slow brush of your hair on your face, each curve of your delicious lips, the subtle moves of your eyelids, every sparkle in your eyes, and the various expressions on your face as you let yourself fall under the magic spell of Tchaikovsky…
I was the single witness of your deepest emotions, the kind of emotions that can only find their source in one’s soul, and that unique spectacle was so enthralling, that all I could do was watch and hold my breath so that it would never end.
As if sensing the gravity of the instant, Tchaikovsky chose this moment to offer us the ultimate prelude to what was about to unfold… And the first notes of his ‘Concerto for violin’ started to rise from the beautiful string instruments.
I had predicted, long before I saw, the small smile that showed on your face, and I knew it reflected mine.
You loved that piece…
Your eyes sparkled with happiness when the ensemble of low and high-pitched strings started to dance around the leading violin, filling the cool air of the evening with absolute majesty, as the seated audience listened with reverence, attentive and captivated by the music…
… Yet, not as captivated as my heart was, as I watched your face delivering to me the obvious token of your profound emotion.
I suddenly realized that your favourite part of the piece was not too far ahead, and I became very attentive. Your eyes had taken a new intensity that I knew well, and despite the distance that separated us, I could almost hear the increasing beating of your heart as the leading violin raised in intensity and started a frantic solo that seemed to last forever, until it suddenly erupted in a sublime soaring of violins that echoed through the night, filling it with pure grace and sheer beauty.
In that unique moment, your eyes closed and I felt, more than I saw, the small sob that subtly shook your body. And then I saw them… Those few tears that never failed to fall.
I wasn’t concerned… Because I knew the most beautiful smile would soon follow the tears.
Tchaikovsky would always do that to you…
As the magnificent notes kept resounding around the beautiful garden, I took a long and deep breath, and that’s when I felt my own tears on my cheeks. I smiled, and then I looked up at you again.
You were still smiling and had taken your phone out. I grinned at the sound of the familiar buzzing in my pocket, and I was reaching into it when you suddenly raised your head…
… And you saw me.
Your eyes briefly widened, but then they softened and the love I saw in them made my heart beat faster.
We both smiled and just looked at each other for a while, revelling in the wonder of each other’s presence.
That’s when I knew.
That night… The music… That feeling that had filled me earlier… The gravity of the moment… And you, so incredibly beautiful and glowing that particular evening… I suddenly knew what this all meant… And I just couldn’t let another minute go by…
I searched your eyes, and with all the love I felt inside, I mouthed the words.
Your eyes widened, and I saw that sparkle of delight that I knew would always only be meant for me. Then I saw the slight nod, and made out the word on your lips. We both smiled and the tears from earlier started to fall again.
In the space of a few seconds, you had left your seat to join me at the back of the garden. Because of the darkness accentuated by the large trees, your eyes didn’t find me right away, and I took the opportunity to swiftly sneak behind you.
I heard your gasp as I slid my arms around your waist, and your breathing grew deeper when I buried my face into your neck and kissed the spot just below your ear. Then, I approached my lips to your ear and I spoke the words again, audibly this time.
“Marry me…”
You let out a deep sigh and swiftly turned in my arms to look at me. You brought your hand to my cheek, and with that look in your eyes, you made me the happiest woman again.
“Yes”
Then you kissed me, and my heart went into overdrive when you repeated your vow against my lips… “Yes”.
That night, you gave me my future, T…
Because my future is you… You, and the life that we want to create together. And one life in particular… One very precious life that I am looking forward to a bit more every day.
I can’t wait, baby… I can’t wait to live that future with you. A future that started that day, exactly two years ago, when I found that letter in my mailbox. A beautiful letter that wasn’t meant for me…
… and yet that always was.
Like all those things that are never supposed to happen… but are always meant to.
To lead to one moment…
… This moment.
Happy anniversary, my love…
B.