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June 8th, 2011

Baby,
I am so excited today, I can barely contain myself!
You have just left to go to work and the second the front door closed behind you I got up to start on my letter, this letter.
Two years have passed since we came into each other’s lives, totally by accident. I was reaching out to my sister Becky and instead I found you.
There has not been a day since, where I have not thanked my sister’s unpredictable ways and her habit to uproot her life at a drop of a hat!
I am excited because I am about to prepare my gift to you; this letter which will perpetuate our unspoken tradition.
I will write to you, you will write to me.
You know, I already know every details of tomorrow. A precious day….our anniversary.
By the time you’ll have left my side, I will have hidden this letter inside your briefcase or perhaps your handbag, I have not made up my mind yet…
It is not a game. I want you to find my letter quickly.
I can picture you already, hesitating. You want to check the content of your briefcase before leaving for work but you are afraid that if you do so, like you do every other morning in life, you will discover its presence. The temptation to open it, there and then, will be unbearable. So instead, you will forego your ritual and you will set off to work in full knowledge of the precious item you are carrying by your side.
It feels almost torturous to know that the letter is there waiting for you. It is within your reach but you will wait for the right moment to take it out, open it and delight yourself with its content.
The torture will equally be mine, as I know that you will have placed yours in my studio. Amongst the multitude of multi-coloured paint tubes, canvasses and other pots of brushes ….. It is a miracle that I am able to find anything in there. But finding your letter will be easy. I will be drawn to it…..
And you know what I’ll do……I will prolong this sweet agony as I will look for the ideal place to read your beautiful words. I know already where and I know that by the time you reach the end of this letter you will have joined me there, too.
I will share a secret with you. There are hidden. Everyone one of them bundled neatly and held together with a red silk ribbon. I have kept all your letters and I secretly read them from time to time when you are not looking. I let your beautiful words take me over and I let them sound in my head while I observe you from across the room.
You are sitting in a comfy armchair; your legs are up on the coffee table. All your attention is monopolised by an artist’s catalogue. You are wearing white and you cut a stark contrast against the dark leather of the chair. Your face is a pleasure to watch. All manners of expression wash over it as you turn the pages.
My favourite is when your face lights up. Your eyes widen and your eyebrows shoot up. Something has caught your attention and in a second or so you are going to call me.
”Baby,” you will say, and that simple term of endearment will start my heart racing, ”come here and have a look at this!”
I will get up and our eyes will meet, you will smile at me like you have hundreds of times before, but each time feels like the first time. You will pat your lap, for me to sit down and I will accept, moulding my body into yours and you will spread the catalogue in front of us to discuss what has so vividly captured your imagination.
Just like those lazy afternoons, I have all the time in the world to write this letter.
For you, I have placed a couple of drops of perfume on my wrist;
Near the pulse point which you so enjoy kissing.
As my hand glides over the paper, the heat generated by the pulsating point of my beating heart will infuse each word with my favourite fragrance. The one which you say takes over all your senses when you let your lips caress up the length of my neck and you inhale softly as your mouth travels. The essence of the perfumed oil will seep into each word and subtly reach you as you read them.
I want you to feel my presence, linger around you.
The same feeling that is mine every morning when you leave to go to the gallery.
You think me asleep but I am listening to your every move. I know you will soon come back in our bedroom for a last kiss goodbye.
You tread so quietly as you approach my side of the bed. I keep pretending to be asleep and I await the softness of your lips on mine. You whisper so softly telling me you love me and your lips press lightly on mine. The kiss is followed by a very subtle sigh. You do not want to go but you have to. Your perfume lingers on around me after you leave and I remain lying down, eyes closed basking in your ethereal presence.
I cannot wait for tomorrow. Each sentence of this letter increases my excitement exponentially.
I need to tell you, I have broken with tradition. You will receive two envelops. I am sure by now that you are reading these words you have noticed that the envelop contains a second smaller white envelope.
Do not open it yet!
Wait.
I can tell you about the content a little bit, if you want.
There are two identical works of Art.
But each is unique in their own right.
It is my most precious creation yet and I know that your very critical eye will be touched by its amazing beauty.
It is my present to you on our anniversary. Two of the most wonderful years of my life.
I will never forget that moment under the willow tree when you asked me almost shyly to come and live with you in Paris. You wanted me to think about it but I knew the answer already.
Why wouldn’t I want to move to the other side of the world just so that I could hold your hand every day, kiss you anytime, loose myself in your arms and be with you always.
I will confess to another secret. Do you know what my favourite part of the day is?
When you and I finally retire for the night.
You join me in bed and you take me in your arms.
You lift the covers, slide under the sheets and you move forward until your body is touching mine. Your hands snake behind my back and you pull me closer gently in an effort to suppress any void between us. In doing so you expertly lift the front of my t-shirt slightly and you do the same with yours and you move closer again until our skins touch. The intimacy of the gesture is so overpowering that we can barely contain the soft moan which escape our lips at the connection that it creates.
You kiss me; you always kiss me so softly. It is imbued with loving tenderness. I see the passion in your eyes; I feel the warmth of your body pressed against mine. I know what is coming next but we just let it take us over slowly. There is no rush. We talk, we laugh, we search each other’s souls and you never let go of me.
And then one night, as you held me close as you always do. You looked into my eyes and you marvelled at their colour.
”Soft hazel with little flakes of gold” you said.
You kissed each one in turn with a delicate kiss. I felt you tremble. It was almost imperceptible. You carried on whispering very softly, ”I wonder what those beautiful eyes would look like on a new born child?”
I knew you held your breath in anticipation of my reaction. You looked so vulnerable in the seconds which followed your question.
”They would sparkle and smile the same way mine do when I look at you” was my reply.
I think it is time, Baby!
Open the white envelope.
I know you, please don’t hesitate! You can stop reading for a little while, whilst you open your present.
(….)
Well, what do you think?
I know it is grainy, and the colours aren’t the best. A symphony of grey and black variations but you see the two white somewhat oval fuzzy shapes in the centre of the picture, each bears a much smaller little black circle within its centre.
They are hearts.
They are the hearts of your babies, Bette….our babies….
and they began to beat just …….18 days after they were conceived.
Tiny little baby hearts fluttering very fast……….
They beat in unison with mine……my heart is racing too because as you are about to finish reading this letter, I have also finished reading yours.
And I know already, that your letter will overwhelm me and I will need to be near you, hold you and tell you how much I love you.
You are my unconditional love, my wife, my reason for being but you are now so much more.
You are my lifetime, our lifetime and I will love you forever.
So if you are ready, I am waiting just outside your door!
Happy Anniversary, Bette!
T