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Chapter 15 – When your child dies
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A month later, Tina and Bette went to work, but the mental state of the women left much to be desired. They went to separate and joint therapy, but there were almost no results. Tina started taking Luvox and Xanax again, which together caused her to have frequent nightmares and hallucinations that initially scared Bette, but eventually began to annoy her. She was annoyed that Tina was always unnaturally calm, constantly talking about how they need to move on, that everything will be fine. She understood that it is not talking Tina, and her a pill, and her brain is not able to return to an adequate consciousness for at least a minute. It broke her heart that Tina seemed to be near, but in reality somewhere far away. She couldn’t talk to the real Tina, couldn’t share pain with her.
Bette started having constant panic attacks that she couldn’t control. This condition could have overtaken her anywhere: at work, at the wheel, in her sleep. She often woke up with her heart beating at an incredible speed, and her body trembling, sweating, and weakened so much that she could not move her hand. Bette tried to pull herself out of her depression with yoga and meditation. At first they didn’t help at all, but then she began to feel calm for at least a few minutes in a couple of days. This was huge progress for her.
Kit still stayed in new York because she knew she couldn’t leave her family alone in this city. Despite the fact that Bette and Tina made someone friends in this city and had a huge number of acquaintances, they were actually alone. No one cared about them in the long run. Yes, at first there were a lot of condolences, offers of help, but then all disappeared from the radar. In this difficult moment, Bette and Tina have only the people who have always been in their hearts – their old friends, their family, who would go out of their way to help them.
A month later, Helena organized a trip to Necker Island, renting half of the island for a group of friends. Everyone financially invested in this trip, putting aside work, all personal problems, all obligations, and just leaving to be around. They confronted Bette and Tina by taking their passports and literally forcing them on a plane, because they resisted to the last and did it quite aggressively sometimes, saying that their friends are insensitive idiots who do not understand anything about their grief. A group of 10 people spent just over a week on the island and it was a lifeline for Tina and Bette. At the end of their vacation, they could smile and look much healthier and fuller. To this day, both women thank their family for this insight and for being there for the right decision at the right time.
After another year of living in New York, Bette and Tina moved to Los Angeles. For various previously known reasons, but the main one was that they could no longer be in the city, which they associated with death. Which they loved so much, which brought them a lot of happiness, and then took it all away, trampled on and left only pain mixed with longing for good times.
Every year on Olivia’s birthday, they go together to the place where her ashes were scattered. Even a few days after the divorce, they went there together-it was strange, even more painful than usual, but it was their sacred rule that no one would ever break. They were there together, holding hands, crying, and meeting their baby.
3 am. Tina and Bette finally fell asleep, hugging each other, reliving that terrible night over and over again. Two strong women who went through a huge amount of pain, losing first their child, and then each other, but gaining experience and what is called ”core”. They talked for almost 2 hours, but they didn’t end on a bad note. Undoubtedly on a sad to the point of pain, but warm note. They remembered Oli and the joy that She gave them at least for those six months. Happy and bright six months of their lives. And they were grateful for this opportunity, even if it was so short.
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This was a difficult read for me. There are no words for me to write here. No explanation needed. I strongly felt the pain and it brought me to tears. The death was sudden and unexpected. That’s all I am able to write. Sorry.
Thank you for reading to the end.
Yeah, very diffucult chapter. Seeems strange for me that after their child death they both suffered alone and separetly, but maybe it already were the first signs of failed marriage.
In such stressful situations, the brain sometimes behaves strangely
I love Bette and Tina. I applaud all authors willing to take the plunge and put themselves out there by writing a story and then accepting feedback. That being said and with all due respect, your story, for me, is far too dark and confusing. Angie has way too much control over her parents. Now she is friendly with Eddie who is in prison. She is on a very dangerous and destructive path. Much more than typical teenage rebellion. She is headed for major problems if not already there. Using tantrums and threats and disrespect and manipulation to control her parents is just not okay. Also, if she had sex with Eddie as you have implied, by California law she was in fact raped. Legally, Angie is not old enough to consent. That IS the law. And it is enforced in that state. That is not to say that Eddie should be charged with statutory rape but given the fact that he broke into the house and attacked Tina it is to say that he could have been and puts a much more serious spin on Angie’s first sexual experience. But did she lie about having sex? Why did she need to see a gynecologist? STD? Pregnancy? Serious issues all of which seem to be just glossed over. And to all of a sudden introduce an infant child to the story and have that beautiful baby die in such a sad and horrific manner is beyond the pale. Given all this couple went through with the miscarriage this is just too much and so totally out of left field. And to what end? What is the point? If it is intended as a cruel means to just grind them into the ground and show how the marriage fell apart, you succeeded. To me it is an arbitrary and somewhat callous plot device by which to totally end them. In reality, as statistics show, this couple would not only most likely divorce but there would be no coming back. Too many reminders. I have experience with SIDS. My nephew. The subsequent physical and psychological pain,loss, blame, grief, and anger is just so severe that one never really recovers. Look at what the miscarriage did to them? You have chosen two topics: underage sex/ statutory rape and SIDS and minimized both. Again I ask, why? This is just too much for me.
Agree 100%.
Way too much trauma & drama to handle.
First of all, thank you for your opinion on this. Whatever it is, it’s important. I’m very sorry that this topic has affected your family.
Secondly, going to the gynecologist after the first sex is a normal practice that excludes STDs, unwanted pregnancies and injuries. I don’t see anything strange about it. And conversations between parents and their child’s therapist about the child’s mental state may say more than meets the eye.
Thirdly, I understand that this is probably too much for people who face stress and problems in life and come to this site to relax, read something for the soul. And the story about the death of a child may seem too blurry, incomplete, compared to other incredible stories on this site, but I write as I can and it may be far from ideal. I wanted to write a drama. And I wanted to make it as close as possible to life, to real life, and not to fairy tales. And in my experience, what I wrote often happens in life. Seventeen-year-olds have sex and you can think of it as rape, but in the end it’s not rape. Children die and parents deal with it in different ways, sometimes behaving differently than you think they should behave. And yes, everything is complicated and can’t be solved in a moment, but I think that’s what’s interesting. What’s interesting about simplicity? Perhaps I have a small vocabulary of English words and I just can’t Express what I want in a letter, so you see my story incomplete and minimized, but I really put my heart into it and try. I planned to finish this story in a few chapters, so it won’t mislead you anymore. Thank you and I’m sorry if this story has become something you’d rather not read and has taken up your time.
Not going to belabor the issue but trust me, this site is most certainly not too much for me. I think I have proven that and take some offense at the jab. I am 100 percent TiBette and make no apologies for that. I thoroughly enjoy reading those fairy tale stories you reference as well as high drama such as Remember Who You Are and I Will Not Let You Fall. Hard to get any more dramatic than these stories. It is absolutely your choice to write the story you choose to write and I applaud your efforts. I also stand by my feedback. Let us just agree to disagree. Best of luck with your story.
Yes, and thank you for being here. There was no aggression in my words. I didn’t mean to offend you in any way, really. You may have misunderstood me.
I also love Remember Who You Are :)
It’s all good.
Ada. I was not personally offended by your story. It is your story and your choice to take it anywhere you want. I just was not expecting it particularly now with the country in massive turmoil. I think I needed to read something more cheerful and uplifting. Thank you for writing on this site. Please continue
Thanks! It’s good that we always have a choice – what to read and what not to read
Wow not many people go down the path of the 2nd child. Tough writing, difficult subject.
A bit of a surprise, which is the only thing that did not work for me. Such a big emotional thing with no real foreshadowing.
K
Thank you for reading this! Your thoughts are very important to me because I loved Love, Loss and Living. I remember reading this story and thinking about how completely you describe all the actions, all the characters. I had clear images in my head, and it’s so interesting.
I really wanted to make a comment when I read this, but I decided to delay for a day of so.
You have chosen a very dark story line to follow with this Bette & Tina story. And you gave no previous indication that such a tragic event occurred in their life. Couple that with the real life stress with this election going on and I was simply not prepared to grapple with this heart breaking story line. The timing for me was not good. But I guess that is a personal problem for me.
If the loss of this child is what broke these two up, it’s hard to imagine them getting back together at all. Except for Angie, there would be so many bad memories that it would seem just in surmountable to overcome. I wish you well on showing us the path that they take to put their lives back together again. They have been through so much in their lives, but this would absolutely crush them. And it is obvious that they did not regain their footing enough to keep their family together. And that breaks my heart even more.
I hope you can pull this story out of the pit of devastation. You have a big job ahead of you. Good luck….
Thank you for writing a comment, Martha. I have a specific plan for writing this story, so I hope that all the actions will eventually be clear to you.
I worked as a pediatric respiratory therapist for 25+ years and SIDS is real. Such imaginable tragedy. I’m worried about Angie. Her love is most definitely blind and fails to see the red flags for substance and violence add that to Eddie’s emotional and physical abuse. The poor guy needs therapy. I do feel for Eddie but scared for my favorite family.
Interesting chapter. Keep up the great work. I’m need to destress from Election anxiety. Thank you for sharing your talent.
God, I’m not a US citizen, but I watch elections in a way that takes up a lot of my time… I hope for all the best for your country.
Thank you very much, Deanna.