Fan Fiction
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Chapter 17 – Only together, only forward
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”Was your divorce related to the loss of Olivia?”
Tina was on the verge of tears rolling out of her eyes, but she tried to hold on to be more meaningful in this conversation.
”I had these thoughts when our relationship started to deteriorate again before the divorce. I had this mindset in my head that most parents get divorced after losing a child. It’s probably true – it’s easier for many people to get away from their partner, from all the grief that is associated with them, it gradually heals their wound. This is not our case. Maybe our divorce was triggered by the problems that came up in New York, but we have nowhere to go, you know? There’s no one else for me but Bette, I knew that before and make sure again during our breakup. We are the case when two people just don’t have the option of not being together, even if it sometimes hurts. I guess that’s why our reunion was pretty smooth, compared to what it might have been after such a divorce and all those problems… we just never really wanted to leave each other, didn’t want this divorce, so when we got back together… well, it was unconditional. But Bette was afraid to talk about our relationship to our family for a while”
”Do you think her fear has something to do with her doubts?”
”No, I don’t think so. It seems to me that her fear was something deeper. Perhaps in her subconscious ,the ”official” renewal of the relationship meant that we would have to go back to discussing the issues that contributed to the divorce and all of this would eventually lead to the events in New York. Actually, that’s what happened”
”How can you explain your recovery path after this loss? What stage are you at now?”
”At some point, I turned my attention to Angie, and it really felt a lot easier. I can’t describe this process exactly, but the first six months were pure hell. And then I remembered that we have a child who needs mothers and who felt lonely all these six months. And it kind of pulled me out of the hole I was in at the time. The pain went from the surface to the depth and became something I could control. I thought I was able to survive this, but now I’m not sure… the thing is, I recently realized that I can’t say these words out loud. What happened to Oli… I can’t say that. Not so long ago, a colleague and I had a conversation about our families, and when she asked if Bette and I ever wanted more children, I couldn’t say that we had a daughter in the past and she died. The words stuck in my throat and I couldn’t get them out. It wasn’t that Margot was a stranger… I can’t talk about it with anyone, not even my family. So I’m not sure what stage I’m at right now. Every once in a while, I feel like I’m coming to terms with what happened, because sometimes I really feel happy or I feel good, but then something reminds me of that night and the pain that’s deep down… it becomes more explicit”
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This story is very sad, yet inspiring. From the depths of despair can come hope if one will just look for it. Bette and Tina have both repressed their feeling of loss and hurt for a long time. And although this loss is something they will never get over they must learn to live with it and to put their lives into a loving and caring relationship with each other and with Angie. Its time to acknowledge the loss, feel the pain, heal each other and learn how to go forward as a result. Loss of a child is devastating. Dealing with it even more difficult. It can tear families apart… these two need each other… I believe they have made a good and positive start. They just need to get to the point where they turn to each other every time, when in need of comfort and solace and to be present when those times arise.
Thanks for the update….
Thank you for reading, Martha!
I really like your phrase “from the depths of despair can come hope if one will just look for it”
I think it makes a lot of sense.
Hi Ada,
This was so good, i almost don’t have words to describe how this chapter touched my heart.
I don’t have children and can’t imagine what a devasted loss it is when your child suddenly dies, but you did a excellent job to describe what Bette and Tina went through when they lost Oli.
I have full confidence in that this therapist will help Bette and Tina to come to terms with the loss of Oli and give it a place.
For the rest, I can only say that I fully agree with what Martha has written in her comment.
This is definitely one of the best chapters you have written!
I know I don’t always write a comment but I’ll follow your story from the beginning and through to your last chapter!
Thank you, be careful and stay healthy!
Thank you so much for such wonderful words, Bibi!
Although your comments are not frequent, they are always very interesting to read. The feedback is really important to me, and the fact that you gave it this time is so nice. I hope that you will enjoy the continuation of this story no less. Thanks and be careful too!
Ok, it was not easy chapter also.
I like the story about how Tina’s cold reaction on Kit’s death might be subconsciously reaction and even revenge for Bette’s reaction for Oli’s death. I think it’s very trustworthy. – as the story in s3 when i think all Henry story was Tina’s subconsciously revenge to Bette for carpenter.
Yeah, when viewing s3, I had the same thoughts.
Thank you, Zhenya!
Wow! Such an emotional chapter and very well articulated. The depth of these characters is never ending. Great chapter.
Thank you very much! This is so important.