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Chapter 18 – The destruction and merging
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Bette has always been a complete and self-sufficient person, a strong woman who can solve any problem and move on. This is what people saw her and she really was like that, but she and her close people knew that in fact all the levers were always on Tina’s hands. She didn’t use it on purpose, didn’t show it explicitly, but it was there nonetheless. In front of her, Bette was weak, unprotected, and with naked soul. Outwardly, Bette was the alpha, but inside their relationship, Tina was always the safe haven, the support that Bette could use to stay strong for the rest of the world. Tina never affected her in a deliberate way, but she did it in a natural way – just by being the one goddess, the universe that Bette feels happy around even in the worst of times.
”What the fuck am I doing?”
Bette said to herself, thinking that instead of being wise, caring, and loving, she was pushing Tina, blaming her, and controlling her communication. This is another strange reaction of our brain-to be afraid of losing a person and at the same time do everything that can contribute to this. To do this because of selfishness, your own complexes and unprocessed aggression, thinking that this will help solve the problem, but in fact it is a heavy pressure that falls on the shoulders of both partners.
Bette decided to try to fix the situation, because she didn’t want to leave Tina alone with a bad mood. She didn’t want to continue talking about it now. She just wanted to be there and not let this stupid situation become a problem for them, because, to be honest, Margot was absolutely not worth it for them to fight over her and feel upset. Bette put out all the candles that were still burning on the patio and in the kitchen, closed the doors, and went into the bedroom as well. When she went in, she didn’t see Tina there, but she heard the sound of water coming from the bathroom. Bette felt an urgent need to tell her wife that she loved her, trusted her completely, and didn’t want to be a cause for her grief. And, to be honest, subconsciously, she wanted to show Tina that she would love her right now with such intensity and dedication that Carrie, Margot, or anyone else would just fade into her background along with their attempts to charm. They will disappear into thin air and will never be needed here.
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So Bette is jealous of Margot because she is still afraid that Tina might leave her again. Actually that is a reasonable fear and I think that Bette should talk to Tina about it. Bette should definitely explore this fear with her therapist as well. Tina needs to understand that her leaving the relationship has left Bette with that fear – its happened three times already and who’s to say that a Margot or someone like her might bring on another exit.
Tina is a smart woman – she knew there was a problem and she should have seen jealousy as symptom. She knows Bette well enough to know that Bette was not comfortable with Margot conversation. Bette was smiling in that being polite but not genuinely glad to see Margot. And Margot had the same expression. So why bring it up when Bette has provided a romantic setting for the evening ending celebration? Why not wait until breakfast the next morning? Let the evening flow as it will?
Now, the arrival of Natalie? If Natalie is really running away from home on her own, she would have her cell phone. She would have some money or some kind of plan for her journey. She would not just show up on someone’s doorstep. But she shows up abruptly and unannounced. And I think she would have had a better story than what she had if she were running away. Of course there maybe more going on at home than she is saying.
Interesting chapter…. it seems that there is just no end of problems – let’s hope that Tina and Bette can hold it in the road while they get through all these challenges.
Post more when you can…. I want to see how they get to a somewhat normal life.
I will try to publish the next chapter as quickly as possible. Thank you for your thoughts and attention to this story!
Thank you for the chapter!
Oh, first – i love jealous Bette :). And i think she has her reason to do it – to be suspicion about this Margo.
Second – i think it’s right thing what Bette did – texting Natalie father and let him know where his daughter.
And third – i think Tina also right what she said about Natalie and her father’s fight. They need to listen his story (if he wants to tell it) and then judge him.
Yeah, Bette’s jealous side has its charm :)
Thank you, Zhenya!
Bette is jealous of Margot and upset that Tina appears to respond. At least they talked. Tina has to set boundaries with Margot and I feel this will help Bette.
Poor Natalie. At least Bette contacted her father.
I think you’re right about boundaries. Good to see you here!