“What the ***** do you care?” I say sadly and then screamed “You don’t care” building up walls which she seemed to be constantly breakin’ down. I was being irrational, I was being hurtful. I didn’t want her to see, I rolled over hiddin’ my face in my pillow. Jenny shook her head helplessly her hands reaching for me. “I do care, Shane look at me I do” she said as her fingers traced paths on my skin. “I wish I could do something right for once. But I just don’t know how.” She whispered in my ear. I found it then we were the same She was stripping away the mask along with it my strength just by sitting next to me and she didn’t know caught up in her own darkness she couldn’t see the ***** I was going trough. It was not her fault she didn’t love me.

I wondered what to say to her suddenly I felt like I was the one who needed to apologize. So ashamed at first it was jealousy. The whole ‘look at me instead of Moira thing’. Then I don’t know what happened, ***** went down and I became a raving psychotic. I desperately want to make it up to her, but what could I ever do to make up for ***** up her life? Its so screwed how I did this to the woman I claim to care so much about. So I tell her “I’m sorry for being such an *****”

She nodded “Get some sleep now, okay? We’ll talk when you wake up.” Jenny said spreading a blanket over me. I smiled and closed my eyes and letting sleep take over me.

8) Hurting

Her fingers woven into my hair, her thumb slowly running over the back of my neck. Her other hand resting on my hip, slight perspiration causing our skin to stick together. Chaining mental images of sweat covered stomachs pressing against each other, as our bodies wreathed together as one. Sweating I wake up.

Tangled in these sheets we once lay together. Your image is pressed in these sheets, this bed, this room. I breath in the gentle smell of Jenny’s shampoo that still lingers over the pillow, but find no comfort in my surroundings, no peace at the coming memories of last night. Only mind numbing pain that is far too much for my semi-conscious body to deal with.