She stares at me and asks almost accusingly “Why did you have to fight Moira?” I laugh realizing you here because of her, because you thought I told her. I didn’t. No one knows. What we did what you do to me no one knows. It’s our secret I understand this even tough it cuts me out. So stuck, this is what you must have felt so caught in the middle.

“This is your fault.” I say in a harsh, forced voice angry at the injustice of it all. Tears straining at the back of my throat as I stand up to stare back at myself in the mirror. That person, that broken, drugged, bloody and disgusting person reflected back at me, and for the first time, I could see what everyone else saw. I saw the rage, the wild side, the ***** and the *****. I saw the pain I could cause, and the agony I could infuse in people. For the first time, I could see the mask.

“Let me fix it” she says apologetic look in her blue eyes. “You can’t fix it” I answer rudely without moving my eyes from my reflection. Jenny nodded solemnly, a distant expression clouding her features and her bottom lip between her teeth. “Everything is so different, but yet nothing is changed” she says in a quiet resigned tone “Nothing is gonna change what happened between us, Shane”. Turning around to face her I say grumpily “It doesn’t matter now”.

As she dragged me over to the bed I told the real reason I hit her girlfriend. She looked into my face and I was startled by her intense expression, her eyes exuding nothing but admiration for me. For me fucked up old Shane McCutcheon. I often felt uncomfortable when she looked at me with such adoration, and such lovely eyes, like she was an open book and all I had to do was glance at her to read her every thought.

 I most definitely didn’t deserve to be put on a pedestal right now if ever. But for some reason she believed in me, she understood my actions for she too saw the real me which I think was what hurt more. ‘I’m drowning a tear spilled over as I looked back at her and you just don’t seem to care. Her voice jolted me out of the haze of my thoughts. “Are you okay?”