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Healing Tears – Chapter 15
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“That’s always been one of our problems Bette. You always wanted to take control and do everything for us. I let you take it all on and then I resented you for it when I lost my autonomy.”
“I think you also blamed me. Maybe that’s why you held so much anger towards me.”
“I admit I was angry and maybe I did blame you subconsciously. I thought I was ready to quit my job and have children with you but things just didn’t turn out the way I expected. I didn’t have a plan B, and everything just fell apart.”
“Things weren’t as I expected either Tina. I was being pushed and pulled in so many directions. It killed me to make choices that sometimes took my attention away from you and the baby but you need to remember that at the same time I was defending my honor, my integrity, and just trying to make a living for us. I was working my ass off in a job where I was undervalued. I was beaten down every time I expressed any bit of passion, individuality, drive or creative inspiration. When I wasn’t getting beaten up by the bureaucracy I was beating myself up with guilt. After a while I just hit a wall. I just couldn’t muster the strength to fight anymore.
The truth is whether you realize it or not you’d come into your own so much so that you didn’t need me to validate your worth; not that I ever could. You stopped sharing things with me. I know there were things that you were sharing with Alice, Dana and Marina that should have stayed between us and that made it worse for me to deal with. It was bad enough that I had failed you but then you made it so public by involving our friends in every intimate detail of our lives. You shared more with Alice at that time than with me. I felt like I was being made a mockery of by the two of you. There were times that I didn’t even think that you considered my feelings at all. Maybe some of that distancing you talked about was my response to your insensitivity towards me.
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BAT really sweet update. Hope the tibettes are at peace and start the healing toward their relationship with each other.
I think more people could use Paul as their therapist. He does make sense and maybe he use a unconventional brand of therapy, but i think it works. Having fun by chasing butterflies and then to realese them as a way to release the sad, painful memories and welcome the positive is a fantastic idea.
Bette and Tina really needed it, now they have to do more work with Paul as guide but i am positive they will make their relationship healthy, strong and loving. They need and deserve to be together, and Angelica offcourse as one happy family.
Thanks for the quite insight full chapter!
I have to admit this isn’t how I thought the story would go. The level of comunication is the highest possible. The emotions displayed are raw. The beauty in all of this is hope is restored and they are at a place where real forgiveness is possible.
Maybe if BETTE had been more aware of the emotional toil TINA was undergoing when she lost the baby and not put all of herself into her work ,a lot of pain could have been avoided.BETTE chose to be unfaithful instead of coming to her wife for comfort,TINA felt like a failure because she was being viewed as one intentional or not.Couples think that having a baby brings them joy,BETTE/TINA found out it can bring hurt of the worst kind.Glad they realized they never grieved for the baby nor for their loss,pain,hurt nor have they come to terms with the infidelity but they have come to the one thing that was truly missing,the baby’s name.Letting go of JASON KENNARD PORTER is the stepping stone they needed to cross not whether TINA could parent a bi-racial child or that her partner was bi-racial it seems to me a moot point now.BETTE didn’t need the validation from her father she needed to show and not ask him that she was just as good as him but she would not abandon her family as quick a he did his.BUT she did feel like she was entitled to behave and do things her way.pps thanks
dunnthat, the next chapter will explore and. perhaps give a bit of insight into several of the points you raise from Paul’s point of view. He is speculating, but I. think he hits the mark with his observations. Thank you for sharing your views.
Loved the update. Very cool collecting the butterfly’s and then releasing them. Thanks
You thrill me with this wonderful chapter, I am
with my watery eyes, Ufa !!
Only love can forgive, love and rebuilds.
Tears heal the body and liberate the soul …
The complete constellation.
Good night.
A very well written, thought provoking chapter. Thanks BAT.