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    Hindsight – Chapter 10

    Story written on December 12, 2006 by Jobadge.
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    1 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 5 (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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    Number of Comments: 29
    Words: 4135
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=63561
    Author Notes:

    Tina Kennard: Her smile could stop traffic and cause weakness in every limb in my body…

     

     

    But in the last seven weeks and five days, I wanted to find something… I thought I knew what it was, but try as I might, I wasn’t sure what it was I was looking for, something uncomplicated, something hassle free, but I was coming to realise that my turmoil was an inner turmoil, something going on inside me that I was taking out on those around me, blaming them, using them, emotionally abusing them, and the result of my actions was sitting in front of me, the emotionally fragile figure that used to be my partner.

     

     

    Used to be… was… previous… in the past… ex…, they were words that now related to what I had with Bette, words I still couldn’t use in the same context when thinking about her, she would never be any of those things to me, and if I’m honest with myself, I didn’t ever want to use those words in context to her, I just didn’t know what to do about it, I had already done so much damage to her…

     

     

    Why did I not answer the calls she made, the pleading voice on those messages every day, the same voice that had whispered into my ears on every possible occasion, the same voice that used to tell me how much she loved me, how she would love me forever, and yet the voice on those calls… It chilled me to the bone, the emotion in her voice…

     

     

    I still had them on my cell, I still listened to them, in a strange self punishing way I knew I had to listen to them, to hear the hurt in her voice and yet I did nothing about it, the pain I felt in my chest was never enough, I listened time and time again until the tears came, and yet I still did nothing, it was something I still had yet to understand, the way I had behaved, I needed to understand why I wanted to hurt her so much, she hadn’t even done anything wrong and yet I was punishing her for it anyway, but that was yesterday, I was starting again, I needed to right those wrongs, and I would, I had promised her I would and I would keep my promise to her…

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    Comments

    3. This makes me so sad in a happy sort of way. They need to just keep going. Saying what they feel, whispering the words of love that only they understand. YOu know a kiss wouldn’t hurt.

    11. I think that they are going to be okay also. It is going to take a lot of work on both parts but mostly from Tina. Bette will always love her, but now Tina needs to show Bette that it is safe for her to love again. For once it is Bette’s turn to have someone caress her and tell her it is going to be okay and then to know that she, Tina will be around more than just one day. Hopefully, love will conquer all.

    12. i’m with coop, a gentle sweet kiss would not hurt right about now and then T should dial up some food…do not leave bette alone just yet…she needs T’s presence…love it…PPS

    13. Jo…You should be in deep shit w/your GF. A talent such as yours. You should be writing sonnets the likes of Elizabeth Barrett Browning. *grin* With this excruiating and abiding love they have for each other, how did they get mired in this morass. Remember how Peggy P. talked about those artists who could fuck like bunnies but also wrote achingly beautiful love letters to one another? What did Peggy say? Something to the effect that fucking w/o art is boring? I don’t remember exactly. That’s why you need to write love letters to your love.

    15. You write so well that its as if im there experiencing it for myself. Great update. I have been looking forward to every update since u first started it. Love it. Cant wait for the next. PPS

    16. Guys, you’ve said it all. I really don’t know what else I could add. Besides, you left me pretty much speechless, Jo ( which is a big challenge that you’ve taken up since I’m usually such a chatterbox ! ). This chapter was simply beautiful, comme toujours. You never never disappoint us, Jo… And I’m almost certain you never will, unless you choose to write those dreadful words…The End. Thanks a lot for this wonderful chapter.

    19. Lovely! Was waiting for this episode! :) Post soon please!!!And for the record… I am totally with azmama Peggy Peabody: “Well, you know, all that fucking, with no art, is really rather dreary. ” hehehe

    21. LOL@the love letter “issue”!… Great chapter! Gotta love this unconscious mutual declaration of love… Progress, progress… Hehehe… You, and you only, could go from the worst possible situation between these two and make it all better!… I’ve got to say though, that I also categorically refuse to relate this fic to “I thought…” and “Remember when…”. That’s just plain impossible for me! So, in my own twisted mind, I just make it that they happened to spend a nice WE in a hotel where they ate oysters and made love on a rose petals bed, but that’s as far as it goes for me… ;) I’m sorry, but to even consider that they could have fucked up so badly after everything that was realised, said, and shared in these two other fics is just too much to ask from me! ;) But that’s okay, it totally works for me that way! LOL! Thanks, Jo, you’re the best!

    23. Oh, there’s hope… how wonderful! I hope they are brave enough to let their guards down and allow themselves to feel all the beautiful things they bring out in one another. And about the love letter thing… I thought this WAS a love letter? It sounds like one to me. Great chapter, Jo. Thanks.

    25. Another beautiful chapter! The way you put their emotions in to words is just so amazing! Thank you Jo… and you should be writing love letters or else you wouldnt be doing justice to your talent. LOL :))

    27. Off course, I (and I don’t think I stand alone ;) want them to be better then ok… But gosh what a way to start… Henry is instantly forgotten now that Tina is allowing herself to feel this emotional rollercoaster… Noone else could do it the way you do, Jo… Lovely as always!

    29. All still very intense, sad and emotional…but always with that little hint of hope…cause i think we all know that your going to make this alright..not easily but in the end!!they will be ok….So this chapter, as with all others was great, and a pleasure to read!..really good stuff.

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