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    Hindsight – Chapter 6

    Story written on November 29, 2006 by Jobadge.
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    2 votes, average: 3.50 out of 52 votes, average: 3.50 out of 52 votes, average: 3.50 out of 52 votes, average: 3.50 out of 52 votes, average: 3.50 out of 5 (2 votes, average: 3.50 out of 5)
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    Number of Comments: 40
    Words: 3774
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=63383
    Author Notes:

    Tina Kennard: She took me in her arms, just like she used to…, she always put her own pain aside and just took me in her arms…

     

     

    How ironic that she was the one I left and walked out on, and yet she was the one who had shaken me to the core, she had unconsciously shaken me into a sudden realisation that my so called simple life, the simple life I had craved, was not what I had been expecting, not what I had hoped for, the loneliness had set in almost immediately, that feeling of loss, the almost mournful feeling of bereavement for what we had lost, I’d lost our forever, my own choice, but still… I felt lost, I had tried hard not to show any of those feelings, they were all inside, all kept hidden away from the so called new life I was trying to embrace.

     

     

    And here I was being held by the one who I had hurt beyond anything else, I never knew I could be responsible for hurting someone like that, where did that strength come from within her, to get out of her chair and walk around the table with no questioning for anything in return, it was a selfless act, a selfless act of her holding me, but as she did, she also broke down, I felt it. 

     

     

    I felt the hitch in her body, the choking sob as she too released her emotions, I remembered her sadness when I first saw her last night, how she was looking at that bottle of pills, had I really pushed her that far, had she pushed herself that far… no she had been pushed, her choices had been taken away, her human instinct to survive without the one who held her heart from the moment she was born, the child whose umbilical cord she had cut in the operating theatre, as she had soothed me. 

     

     

    Her love for Angelica had been instant, the moments she had found out I was pregnant, in that difficult situation of hearing the words from Helena’s lips, I had seen the flicker there, first the complete and utter disbelief, and then the flicker, the flicker of something I hadn’t seen in a long time, I saw it wash over her, her eyes had instantly welled as she took in that she was to become a mother, and I had used it, and used it and used it against her, time and again I had used Angelica against her, even when we were living together, as a family, we argued and she was holding Angelica, and the first defence was to take Angelica from her arms, it felt good to hurt her with Angelica, it was the one thing I knew I could hold over her, and now…

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    Comments

    4. Even at this low point in her life Bette can still show her strenght…being there for Tina…and while a vulnerable Bette will always pull at the heart strings…i love it when her true strenght shows through too…great stuff as always!

    5. your just amazing how do you even begin to …. just unwrap Tina like that. you just hit raw emotions and you hit it right on the nail. that’s what we would all like to see on the show….. camn’t wait to read more

    6. This story is so heart wrenching and yet so wonderful. Tina trying to right the wrong of keeping Angelica from Bette will be difficult. The trust needs to be re-built, but I have faith in you Jo. If any writer can fix this broken relationship, it’s you! You are AWESOME!

    10. That chapter was great…and heartbreaking again…but your chapters are overlapping right? I thought T said she’d never forgive herself for taking A away from B or something like that in the last chapter… Didn’t she?

    12. Jo, I’m very glad for the way things are going, but I just can’t buy Tina’s statement (excuse) that it was never meant to be vindictive. Bullshit! (Do you Brits use that one?) When I see something like that I think Tina needs to be a lot more honest with herself and needs to do a lot more soul searching.

    15. Well damn it Jo! You making it difficult to want to throw Tina off a cliff! I think it’s because this Tina is showing signs of remorse and regret, something we have yet to see from Tina # 2 on the show. But if I may I am still going to hold on to my anger because I would like to see Tina suffering, even if she is making amends. Call me spiteful, rude, or mean, it would do my heart good to see her suffering for just a little bit.lol Thereafter you she can get all the happiness in the world, with or without Bette.

    19. Very heartwrenching but optimistic at the same time. You can tell that Tina is struggling with all that she has done to the one person who still very much holds her heart. Tina knows that she did the worst thing to Bette by withholding Angelica from her. Bette has done some major damage to her body. She is going to need tender loving care to get her back to a healthy state. Between Kit, Angelica, and Tina there is hope that the Bette that we all love will return.

    21. I know that I am an emotional basketcase right now…hormone levels are sky high…but damn…you are amazing and I your writing just brings me to tears. Thanks, Jo!

    24. wonderful! i have tears in my eyes! it was an incredible and heartbreaking chapter but i am confidence that Tina will do the right thing to fix this. Your are amazing girl!

    27. (clearing throat) that was yet again truly amazing. I think you’re trying to get me to ball my eyes out…you don’t need to worry..i already have…thank you very much…now please…post again! Thanks for this amazing story.

    29. This story turns me into a sniffling ball of emotions. I can feel the pain there. They will work this out…I have faith in you Jo. You deserve every nomination you get and then some. You are awesome!

    32. After what we’ve read so far we all need a hug! You have a gift with words that takes us through every emotion there is & every where inbetween. You’re amazing & deserve all the praise you get.

    33. Awwww family hug, mate I think you and I should squeeze in :o)). This chapter was truly beautiful, I love how you show us an emotional honest Tina, a Tina who is full of remorse and wants to right things starting now!!! “I once told her she had breathed life into me, she made my heart beat” – so sweet and simply amazing. Now I’m all up to date with the reading and the comments, so still mates???? Please post that Remember When soon, I’m so ready…..hope my SD is too LOL.

    37. I still want to know where you are going with this? Tina does seem to be a tiny bit of denial, but it’s all good when the writing is a great as yours. Thanks mate.

    40. so great…I can feel Bette’s pain…Tina’s craziness…and of course so want them 2gether as lovers, partners and parents for their precious daughter…

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