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    Hindsight – Chapter 6

    Story written on November 29, 2006 by Jobadge.
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    2 votes, average: 3.50 out of 52 votes, average: 3.50 out of 52 votes, average: 3.50 out of 52 votes, average: 3.50 out of 52 votes, average: 3.50 out of 5 (2 votes, average: 3.50 out of 5)
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    Number of Comments: 40
    Words: 3774
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=63383
    Author Notes:

    Tina Kennard: She took me in her arms, just like she used to…, she always put her own pain aside and just took me in her arms…

     

     

    Now…

     

     

    I had unconsciously pushed her farther than I felt she could ever go, she had been on the edge last night, sitting… contemplating with a bottle of pills in her hand. 

     

     

    And when I stood and watched her, those moments of standing watching her looking at that pill bottle, my life had come and slapped me in the face, all of my recent actions flashed through my mind, it was something I needed to understand, I couldn’t say for sure what had pushed me to not allow her to see Angelica, but I knew things had to change, I couldn’t keep her from the one thing that meant so much to her, how could I even think that she didn’t class herself as Angelica’s mother, but that wasn’t how she was classing things, that was me, I was making the choices that inferred that she had no rights, but how wrong I was, she was her mother, she was every bit her mother as I am, a simple case of genetics was the only stumbling block, but every other facet of her connection to this child was as of a mother…

     

     

    Something I had failed miserably in recognising…

     

     

    Something I needed to change…

     

     

    Maybe I did give birth to her, but she was there, through the pregnancy, as much as I would allow her to be, but the birth, you couldn’t have the connection of seeing a child born, cutting the cord and holding that newborn being in your arms and not be her parent or guardian, I remember the hazy thoughts when I laying on the operating table, her eyes and her smile in the first moments she laid eyes on our baby, that instant overwhelming look in her eyes…

     

     

    It was never meant to be vindictive…, never meant…, I never meant to inflict such pain to her, but I had tried to put that out of my mind, I tried not to think about the actual affect it was having on her, I listened to those messages she had left on my cell, that painful desperation in her voice, I tried not to let it affect how my heart was beating, how it pounded when I heard her asking about Angelica, and over the last couple of weeks, there were her tears to listen to as well, that complete and utter gut wrenching sobbing as her desperation to see our daughter echoed in my ear, and still I tried not to think about it, about her, until yesterday…

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    Comments

    4. Even at this low point in her life Bette can still show her strenght…being there for Tina…and while a vulnerable Bette will always pull at the heart strings…i love it when her true strenght shows through too…great stuff as always!

    5. your just amazing how do you even begin to …. just unwrap Tina like that. you just hit raw emotions and you hit it right on the nail. that’s what we would all like to see on the show….. camn’t wait to read more

    6. This story is so heart wrenching and yet so wonderful. Tina trying to right the wrong of keeping Angelica from Bette will be difficult. The trust needs to be re-built, but I have faith in you Jo. If any writer can fix this broken relationship, it’s you! You are AWESOME!

    10. That chapter was great…and heartbreaking again…but your chapters are overlapping right? I thought T said she’d never forgive herself for taking A away from B or something like that in the last chapter… Didn’t she?

    12. Jo, I’m very glad for the way things are going, but I just can’t buy Tina’s statement (excuse) that it was never meant to be vindictive. Bullshit! (Do you Brits use that one?) When I see something like that I think Tina needs to be a lot more honest with herself and needs to do a lot more soul searching.

    15. Well damn it Jo! You making it difficult to want to throw Tina off a cliff! I think it’s because this Tina is showing signs of remorse and regret, something we have yet to see from Tina # 2 on the show. But if I may I am still going to hold on to my anger because I would like to see Tina suffering, even if she is making amends. Call me spiteful, rude, or mean, it would do my heart good to see her suffering for just a little bit.lol Thereafter you she can get all the happiness in the world, with or without Bette.

    19. Very heartwrenching but optimistic at the same time. You can tell that Tina is struggling with all that she has done to the one person who still very much holds her heart. Tina knows that she did the worst thing to Bette by withholding Angelica from her. Bette has done some major damage to her body. She is going to need tender loving care to get her back to a healthy state. Between Kit, Angelica, and Tina there is hope that the Bette that we all love will return.

    21. I know that I am an emotional basketcase right now…hormone levels are sky high…but damn…you are amazing and I your writing just brings me to tears. Thanks, Jo!

    24. wonderful! i have tears in my eyes! it was an incredible and heartbreaking chapter but i am confidence that Tina will do the right thing to fix this. Your are amazing girl!

    27. (clearing throat) that was yet again truly amazing. I think you’re trying to get me to ball my eyes out…you don’t need to worry..i already have…thank you very much…now please…post again! Thanks for this amazing story.

    29. This story turns me into a sniffling ball of emotions. I can feel the pain there. They will work this out…I have faith in you Jo. You deserve every nomination you get and then some. You are awesome!

    32. After what we’ve read so far we all need a hug! You have a gift with words that takes us through every emotion there is & every where inbetween. You’re amazing & deserve all the praise you get.

    33. Awwww family hug, mate I think you and I should squeeze in :o)). This chapter was truly beautiful, I love how you show us an emotional honest Tina, a Tina who is full of remorse and wants to right things starting now!!! “I once told her she had breathed life into me, she made my heart beat” – so sweet and simply amazing. Now I’m all up to date with the reading and the comments, so still mates???? Please post that Remember When soon, I’m so ready…..hope my SD is too LOL.

    37. I still want to know where you are going with this? Tina does seem to be a tiny bit of denial, but it’s all good when the writing is a great as yours. Thanks mate.

    40. so great…I can feel Bette’s pain…Tina’s craziness…and of course so want them 2gether as lovers, partners and parents for their precious daughter…

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