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    I die for you, love, from you

    For a moment, they forgot everything but each other. And then she opened her mouth to deepen the kiss, and suddenly it was over.


    You got carried away; you need to let Bette take the lead on this, ” she berated herself. But she couldn’t help herself, that kiss…


    In that kiss, Tina saw her whole life flash behind her eyes. All the times she wanted to speak but didn’t. All the times she wanted to hold Bette but couldn’t. That single moment was somehow a balm for wounds she never quite realized hadn’t healed properly. In that encapsulated pocket of time, Bette was her benediction, her absolution. The kiss they shared felt like a baptism, the start of a new beginning. A cleansing that washed away any doubt that could ever linger in her: this woman was all. All there was, all there would ever be, everything between heaven and earth. All the sacred words she had heard growing up. Her belief in magic began and ended with this breathtakingly beautiful woman who had given her the absolute light of her life; their daughter.


    And Bette had said she loved her. Someway somehow, Bette still loved her. After everything, she still loved her. And god, Tina loved her more. And it wasn’t love quantified; she didn’t mean it in a measurement of love. No, Tina loved her more: more than her fears, more than her past, more than her trauma, more than everything that had ever made her run away in the first place. More than all the inevitable human need to protect themselves. More, more…just more.


    She loved her more. And truthfully, who could ever love Bette Porter less?


    She looked at her ex-wife and knew she had to leave. She had done everything she could that day, but her chest felt on fire and her knees felt like cotton had replaced the bone. It was an unbearable feeling. And oh, how she had missed it.


    How she had missed the brunette’s own brand of love, no one had ever loved her quite like that.


    No one had ever fought that hard to keep her. 


    Tina couldn’t help but notice the way Bette held on to their relationship. It was as if she was clinging to a precious artifact that could slip through her fingers and break at any moment. And in a way, Tina supposed it was true. Her ex-wife had always been the one to fight for them, even when it seemed they were at their lowest.


    1. Okay, so where are we? Bette is completely confused as to what to do next. And who can blame her. Tina walks in and says its over with Carrie and she wants Bette back but there is no real path forward on how to make this happen. Bette seems to have more fear of the situation than hope about the possibilities. That is understandable. And although Alice and Shane are trying to be supportive, they have no real suggestions either. My recommendation would be for Bette to go away for a couple of days to spend some time alone perhaps in the mountains. Do some hiking, some swimming something to just breathe the air and feel the sunshine. She needs to meditate on her own well being and something may occur to her as to what her path forward should be. Maybe take Angie with her… it won’t be long before private time with Angie will no longer be available.

      Thanks for the chapter… I feels so badly for Bette… give us more when you can.

    2. Hey Sof,

      Sad to hear you were that sick last week, i hope you will recover fully soon!

      It’s a mess, i totally understand Bette being confused, fearful. She let Tina go and now Tina is back, wanting her back. Bette is so in love with Tina but Tina left her three times and she let her go, let her go so she could move on. What to do?
      I agree with Martha, let Bette go away for a few days and maybe take Angie with her.
      Love the interaction with Alice, Shane and Bette. We saw that hardly in GQ.

      Take care of yourself!

    3. Hey Sof. Sorry to hear you’ve been sick. Wishing you a speedy recovery.

      Seems to me Bette is having a mental breakdown and everyone including Tina, Alice, and Shane are oblivious to it. She needs REAL time (like months or a year) and REAL space away from Tina. She needs therapy to get her emotional health and well-being as well her as self-esteem and worth to a place where Tina does not control her very existence. Bette needs to be able to stand strong on her own and stop this vicious dysfunctional cycle of being broken every few years when Tina decides to leave for whatever reason, play her games, mess up someone else’s life then run back to Bette to get her hopes up just to do it again. Tina needs to get MAJOR help and Bette needs to stop indulging her insanity.

      What Tina is doing is emotional abusive, but until someone calls her on it, she will continue to hurt and destroy Bette, and eventually Angie will suffer too. Let’s see her actual work that she’s doing and let everyone stop forcing Bette to always be the one to take the blame and think she’s the problem and not good enough and deserves to be treated in this way.

      What is Tina doing now to get better at loving and committing and to stop breaking hearts and running away? Who is her support system? I think that is why she is always spiraling because she doesn’t have any friends or family to ground her and she doesn’t ever take time to face her issues, and work on herself. I said it in an earlier chapter. She needs to leave Bette alone until she deserves her and has learned how to love her!

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