Bette was pacing from room to room watching the clock, waiting for the minutes to tick by until 10:00 came.  She was so deep in thought when the phone rang it startled her.

‘Hello?’

‘Whatcha doin?’

‘Tina, hey.’

‘Did I interrupt something?’

‘No, of course not.’

‘Do you still want to talk or have you changed your mind?’

‘Yes  I still want to talk, I mean.’

‘Are you all right?  You haven’t seemed like yourself today.’

‘I don’t even know what that is anymore.’

‘Can you tell me what happened?’

‘In my session this morning we talked about our conversation yesterday and Foxworthy said he was very encouraged that we were able to talk without arguing.  Then he asked me if I thought I was being too passive and out of character with you.  I told him I didn’t want to rock the boat, I was just glad you had agreed to try to work things out.  He was quick to remind me that you had told me you weren’t sure this would bring us back together and that I should keep that in mind.’

‘I don’t think you’ve been passive, maybe a little more agreeable to take this at my pace than I thought you would be.  And Foxworthy doesn’t really know you well enough, yet, to know what’s out of character.  Why did this bother you so much?’

‘The more I thought about it the more I convinced myself that you must have said something to him and that I was fooling myself.’

‘Stop right there.’

Her voice was so firm Bette was afraid of what was about to come next.  She sat there, silent, waiting for Tina to continue.

‘How did he know what I said about trying to work things out and that we still might not get back together?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘My last session was Tuesday morning.  I saw you Tuesday night and we decided to try to work through this as friends.  So I haven’t told him anything about that.  Have you?’

‘Yes.’

Tina could barely hear Bette’s reply.  She knew Bette’s emotions had gotten the better of her, letting her mind form the worst-case scenario.  A tiny part of her wanted to leave Bette to her own conclusions, but the rest of her wished she was there to hold her and help her through this.

‘Bette no one knows where we’re going to end up including us.  I wish you had talked to me this morning instead of rushing off.  When it’s time to decide what we need to do about us we’ll decide together.  No one else, just you and me.  Okay?’

‘I’m sorry I didn’t stay and talk to you this morning.  I guess I haven’t changed much after all.’

‘You’re wrong.  Before you would have shut down and I never would have known what was wrong.  Isn’t this better?’

‘Now, but today was horrible.  I didn’t know what to do.  I know you probably don’t want to hear this but I just need to believe that there is a chance for us.’

‘I know when you say us you mean as a couple, I can’t promise you that, I’m still hurting Bette.  A lot, but I’m starting to feel hopeful.  Shane told me the other day that I must think it’s possible or I wouldn’t be doing this.’

‘Do you think that’s true?’

‘I don’t know, I just know that I couldn’t leave things they way they were.  It means a lot to me that you talked about this without me having to pull it out of you.  I have some work to do before I turn in.  Are you okay now?  Will you be able to sleep?’

‘Much better and yes, I think I’ll be able to sleep.’

‘If you need to talk call me.’

‘Thanks, I’ll see you Saturday.’

I take a deep breath

think about the fear

close my eyes

lay back

and try to wish you here

this time I’ll tell you

everything

all that I feel

all my hopes

the dreams that keep me going

I begin to hear your laughter

in my thought filled silence

I long for the sound of your voice

if I open my eyes

will you be here

would you take my hand

tell me that you know

everything

how I feel

my hopes and dreams

that you’ve just been waiting

for me to let you in

or

will I wake to find

it’s all been

just another dream