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If I Fall: Chapter 21b
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Taking a deep breath, Dana whispered, "I miss you, Alice."
Alice closed her eyes, unable to move once again, stuck reveling in the feel of Dana’s formidable grasp. Clearing her throat, she answered, "I miss you too."
"Then come back to me."
"Dane—," Alice stirred slightly in her arms but the athlete tightened her hold before the she could go anywhere.
"Shhh." The athlete gently placed one finger on Alice’s pursed lips. "Please, no more fighting. Not tonight. Not right now." She took one of Alice’s hands in her own and fixed her gaze so it burned deeply into the writer’s. "I know what you’re gonna say. I hurt you tremendously. I get that. I left you when you needed me the most. I fucked up big time and not a day goes by that I don’t find myself agonizing over it. I mean, the word regret couldn’t even begin to cover how I feel about the decision I made. But I need you to understand something Al. I’ve had every single day and every single night since I walked out on you to think about what went wrong. And the one thing I keep coming back to is fear. I was afraid."
"Of what?"
"Of everything, Alice. Just…everything." She sighed in defeat. "I was afraid of how much you needed me, of how much you loved me. But it wasn’t because I didn’t feel the same way back. It was…well, it was because I felt just how you felt, possibly even more. The amount of love I had for you, have for you, it scared me, Alice. I’ve always been on my own. I grew up in that fucking closet, depriving myself for years from the chance to get close to anyone. I mean, you saw first hand how difficult it was for me to be intimate. I just never had the experiences you had, I never allowed myself to love, Al. And then when we—I just, I guess the feelings I felt for you completely took me by surprise and overwhelmed me to the point where I panicked and ran."
"Dana, I get all that. But I’m too old to be anyone’s teacher at this point. I can’t teach you how to love someone and risk my heart once again in the process." She didn’t mean to raise her voice the way she just had, but everything Dana was saying was clearly getting to her.
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Encyclopedia brown? Very funny. This has to be one of the most memorable bathroom scene that I have ever read. D’s confession was genuine and touching. How can A not take her back after that. And it was longest speech I had ever seen D spoke. That was mind blowing. Well done, swissmiss24. Thank you for bringing them back together for even just a moment. I guess things must hit rock bottom before getting better. I had conflicting feelings of Helena interrupting. But what she said to D should shed a light on D the pain the A had endured. I can’t wait for your next post. Thank you so very much.
Thanks for continuing. It’s going to be interesting to see what it finally takes for Al to let Dana back in. I’m looking forward to the next chapter.
Yay, I don’t have to kick your ass! Which I couldn’t do anyway, but still. I absolutely loved it, same as always. But I’m really getting anxious for this “happy Danish” you keep alluding to. And don’t worry, I’m planning a trip out there after L3! I’ve been antisocial too long!
Thank you, swismiss!! What delightful Danish… Please keep writing. I am not sure what happened to Fripster and I would hate to lose you or Muted… ;-D “Encyclopedia Brown” — Soooooo Dana! I love how Dana articulated herself. “And I don’t want you to be my teacher Alice, I want you to be my partner” — Swoon. I think Jules is wonderful, but, my heart belongs to Danish. I’m kinda glad Helena barged in. I think Alice would have felt bad if anything more had happened. She needs to come to the realization that Dana is there for her and is the right choice without too much guilt — although I know she will feel bad for hurting Jules. Thank you again for the great update!!
i will probably read this every day until you post again. so please post soon. ny, huh? i am a part time new yorker now – i have to go there part of the week for an indefinite period. i am excited. i love new york. well that was an excellent update – i love that we are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. they were so cute, i love how dana laid it all out on the line.
WOW!!! How could Alice not take her back after that heartfelt confession? Jules is great and all but she doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell. It’s just a matter of time before Alice completely gives in and goes back to Dana. Great update, please post soon.
Thank you so much for the update! I loved it! You know, yesterday I started to reread your story, chapter and verse, so that I could enjoy more your next one, if possible!! I shouldn’t do it though. I’m supossed to work hard on my dissertation; both you and MutedTempest are jeopardizing the project! ;p Just kiddin’. You made my day! Now, I gotta go back to it… (ANGST!).THANKS again!
Oh.my.god!!! wow that was soooooooo good i enjoyed that thoroughly every inch, poor dana poor alice..im gunna go read it again:)
wow. so good, so so good. you are my danish angel. i can’t wait to see where this goes now. pleeease post soon!
helena has some bad timeing but there is still hope there for alice and dana please post soon I love it
YES! there you are! “Hi, kettle, this is Dana, you’re black.” LMAO I almost forgot to check in here for some Danish, glad I did. Please please post soon? If this was a real scene in the show, I’m absolutely possitive that this would be my favorite. Dang Helena, hehehe thanks for the updatw swismiss.:D
Glad you posted again! Dana needs to go get her girl! I can understand Alice’s reservations, but come on they belong together!!! Loved the bathroom scene!!! Keep up the good work!