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    If I Fall: Chapter 9

    Story written on January 5, 2007 by swismiss24.
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    37 votes, average: 3.41 out of 537 votes, average: 3.41 out of 537 votes, average: 3.41 out of 537 votes, average: 3.41 out of 537 votes, average: 3.41 out of 5 (37 votes, average: 3.41 out of 5)
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    Number of Comments: 5
    Words: 5125
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=63885
    Author Notes:

    Getting inside Dana’s head; A surprise party for Alice and Shane spills the beans to Dana; Dana & Lara’s steady decline

     

    Except that they did. And Dana got to a point in her life where she was suffocating slowly in the self-loathing closet she was locked away in. And while coming out to her parents and the world was done more out of professional necessity than personal desire, she had felt almost reborn after she did it, earning a sense of freedom to be herself for the first time in her entire life.

     

    Yet now Dana’s problems didn’t seem so black and white. She had left the woman she loved for a slue of reasons that at the time seemed relevant, but as the days went by she was admittedly having trouble rationalizing nearly all of them. And then she started a relationship with another woman, who, for the most part made Dana’s life easier. But that didn’t mean she made Dana’s life better. She did love Lara, but she went into this hoping that those feelings would turn into feelings of "in love". And with each passing week, Dana realized that maybe that change just wasn’t in the cards for the two of them. Lara was safe, and Lara was stable, and Lara was willing to put up with Dana’s fear of commitment and all the walls she’d built to protect herself from reaching a level of complete intimacy and vulnerability with anyone. It wasn’t as if Alice couldn’t deal with all of Dana’s emotional issues. Hell, she’d be doing that for years. But as her girlfriend, Alice made a point of trying to knock down those walls and reach a level of connection that Dana had never allowed anyone else in her life to reach. And this scared the shit out of her, not only because she feared being that close and dependent on anyone else since there was always a risk of losing them, but also because if she found that type of love with someone else now, would that mean that that was it for her?

     

    She wasn’t a big dater, or a "player" by any definition of the word. In fact, Dana’s shyness and inability to be herself around strangers significantly curtailed any desire she might have had to just go up to a hot girl and ask her out. And the reality that she was stuck in the closet to preserve her career and familial relations for the years that most people spent dating and getting to know their "types", made it nearly impossible for Dana to really know herself or what she wanted out of a partner.

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    Comments

    1. I’m liking this more and more every time you post, so yay or something. And I knew I could spot a fellow Helacious fan…but it’s so hard to write her properly while Dana’s still (rightfully) around. Well, for me it is, anyway. And you’re right, I do feel even worse for Lara, although I think she’s kinda digging her own grave by trying to be supportive. Poor soup chef just can’t win no matter what she does. Anyway, I hope Dana gets her head clear about the relationship she’s currently in before she goes making trouble with Alice’s new one…and yeah, I still like Jules. Please make her say “motherfucker” at least once, will ya?

    2. Poor soup chef muted? Poor soup chef my ass! If you ask me she’s the only thing keeping danish apart right now, that and Jules who seems to perfect to be true, can you make her have a penis or something so Alice can break up with her and danish get back together? Ok maybe not that, your story is doing ickedly awesome without my ‘ideas’. You describe Dana perfectly, there’s no other word aside perfect. I just hope she can get her shit together and realise that Alice is the one for her and she truly won’t find another woman better for her. You know I would be kinda happy with Helacious in season 4 since Dana is no longer around, I’ll put it that way since it hurts less :( Now I’m just typing for the sake of typing so I’ll stop and say awesome post, I need more of it, so you must do as Bradshaw says and write more :D xx

    4. Can’t wait for the party! I love where this is going! You’re doing a fantastic job my dear :D This was too short! I gotta know how the party goes damnit. lol. ok so great job and PPS. Oh and I’ll check for your PM. lol

    5. De_leish – if Jules has a penis, she may be the perfect one for Alice, and we’ll never see danish again. lolI can’t feel sorry for Lara because she’s going against her own nature, and she knows that Dana still has feelings for Alice, but hey she got what she wanted. She got Dana back, but not all of her. Dana’s ability to avoid things strikes a little too close to home, so I’m going to leave her alone on that one. lolLet’s get this party started! Soon, please. :-)

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