”I would never…” Bette said so soft it was more of a whisper.

Tina let out a long slow breath as a solitary tear made its way down her face. She knew how hard this subject was for Bette and she now fully understood the emotional impact that Kelly’s harassments had on her. ”Babe…” Tina reached out for Bette’s hand, but Bette just sat staring off at the mountains.

Bette let out a long breath, ”This project, the painting,” she shook her head. ”Maybe this whole thing is just a bad idea.” She turned back towards Tina and saw her hand reaching out. Bette placed her hand on top of Tina’s entwining their fingers, ”Kelly gave Laura a hard time when I started seeing her.  Kelly mentioned that they patched things up when things started to go south between, Kelly and I… trying to taunt me I guess since she knew how Laura and I ended… She was a mess then and a hot mess now, I don’t know what I am thinking when it comes to her.” Bette stared at their entwined hands. ”It’s just a fucking painting.”

Tina caught the bitterness in Bette’s voice, ”Bette?” Tina gave a long pause hoping Bette would raise her eyes, she knew being vulnerable was difficult for Bette. After several minutes of silence, Bette raised her eyes towards Tina’s. In a soft measured voice, Tina said, ”I think there is more to this than just finding a painting.” She paused, ”I mean, first, there seems to be a level of excitement that comes with this hunt, and you like it. It is almost like you are thriving on it. And second… maybe… you are looking for some sort of closure… there seems so many things that have just… just lingered about Laura, that seem to haunt you.”

Bette stared deep into Tina’s hazel eyes. She knew that she had changed from that young girl looking for the approval of her father. Her behaviors might have changed, and maturity might have made her surer of herself, but she knew that much of who she was, was innate or intractable. And that deep down, she craved the excitement of a challenge, the constant ideas that flow and all the new experiences that evolve from it. It was selfish and as she got older, it seemed her responsibilities kept her away from those things. Being consumed by your passion when you are young is far easier than when you are older and have people that depend on you. Bette had been doing a lot of reflection over the last few months and inevitably the treasure hunt brought back regrets about Laura. COVID had given her a great deal of idle time and perseverating became a common activity. She had tried to reach out to her therapist, but scheduling was almost impossible.  She found herself evaluating her life and the mistakes on her own. It crossed her mind that maybe it was time to share her thoughts. A curve came upon her lips ending in a small smile while shifting her gaze back to Tina. ”I just miss that feeling sometimes, you know, that feeling you have when you are young, and everything is new.” Bette searched Tina’s eyes for understanding. ”I mean, I am happy with who I am and where I am in my life, but there are times… The hunt for the painting for one, that excites me in ways that I have not felt in a long time.  And…”  Bette took a long pause and looked up into the sky, ”I guess, to be honest, I find myself making comparisons between what happened to us and what happened between Laura and myself.