Why do I keep letting her do this to me? I mean really why? It can not be something as insipid as love. Where in the fuck did I learn that word? Focus Shane you have to focus. There is this thing called a race. There is this thing called rational thought. There is this think called love.

Love.

Why does love feel more like hate? Why do I feel like bait around her? Why does she pout her mouth, bat her eyes and more importantly why do I keep falling for it? What is the point of all this? Why does she get off on my pain? Why did she have to track me down? Why can’t she just let me be? Why did she fly over to talk to me now the night before my race? She must want to do it final and complete. She has come to me finally bows and arrows ready to break my heart finally end it all for me.

This could be a good thing. A real proper goodbye.

Her eyes meet mine and no such luck. She wants to me love her. She wants me to need her. She will never let me leave. Please I say to my drunken beer soaked brain. Please don’t lick your lips again. Please don’t look at me and feel me with your eyes and beats and breath. Don’t do it. Leave me alone. You set me free, gave me vision, she did really……

And I lie to myself standing right in front of the proof. She holds her arms close to her afraid of the earth shattering around her. I look at her. Still as stunning as that first night when neither of us where who we are. More stunning really now that I know her features, now that I know her breath and heartbeat. I guess we are going to do the thing. The magic. It only seems fair. Its how we began. I don’t know. I could stay and feel those hands all over. I could…….maybe not. I could kick and punch myself for leaving. So I don’t move. Safe for now.