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Once it is Spilt
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Tina appreciates the gesture.
It’s when she goes to bed that she begins to break a little because there’s nothing to distract from the flow of thoughts in her head as she lies down to try and sleep. There used to be. There isn’t now. Bette doesn’t touch her and Tina pretends she understands why.
She admires it. She does. She admires Bette and her ability to not cry.
XIV.
Most people will agree that there are certain things that everyone knows about Bette Porter. They can be listed as facts: Bette is intelligent (fact), Bette is gorgeous (fact), Bette is passionate (fact), Bette likes club soda in a can better than a glass (fact), Bette hates movies about love (fact).
Bette agrees that all these are true and she wouldn’t dispute them. It isn’t arrogant, or maybe it is, but those are the facts.
Bette is wholly and entirely capable of love (fact).
Sometimes she doubts this one, but there’s no ignoring the facts. Bette loves with her whole heart and she loves so fervently and passionately that it burns sometimes, makes her sick and dizzy.
It’s just hard to convince herself when there’s so much guilt.
Bette loves Tina (fact). Bette lives for Tina (fact). Bette would die for Tina (fact).
Bette’s a cheating, lying ***** who doesn’t deserve love (fact).
XV.
Hurting is subjective.
Or pain is, really, but to Tina, the distinction between pain and hurting is a jagged line, receding and advancing on itself. Pain brings hurting, of course, and hurting brings pain, but she can’t call them the same thing. Pain is an angry, outward emotion. Hurting is selective, slow, burning.
And subjective.
Losing the baby was pain-it ripped her to shreds inside and it bled. It was an active, physical removal of something that she could’ve touched, held, and that was painful. That was a raw sort of painful.
Bette ***** around was hurtful. It just sort of dug itself into her skin and beat against her lungs. It was removal, too, of course-breathing, trust, familiarity. But it just hurt.
She was angry, too, yes. That was an obvious emotion. But mostly it was just this dull, hollow, stinging hurt. To Tina, at least.
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Dare I say this piece, these pieces is/are revolutionary, the stream of consciousness that is Tina and Bette and their relationship. Gorgeous, cerebral and intuitive as is your great talent. I truly look forward to your next offering. By the way I can’t help but opine that not all of B&T has been told…
Beautiful and moving. That’s all I can say.
4, 7, 8, 9, 13, 14, 18, 19, and 22. Enough said.
Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow.
Ohsofuckingamazingwow!!! To state that you blow me is so not a command but a sheer lack of appropriate words of praise. To say that you move me doesn’t even do it justice when I just saw the whole Bette-and-Tina thing at the speed of light.
And WOW! is all that I can manage for now.
are you jenny? your writing style reminds me of her – that’s a compliment. You are so complex but, true to emotion in your writing. Absolutelyfuckinamazing! Great stuff!
That was absolutely, positively gorgeous. Thank you for sharing. You’re very talented :)
I wish I could write like this. Your words are so simple yet spellbinding. Loved the pieces where neither one felt complete while sleeping. The bond that you weave through the pieces were strong and so…Bette and Tina. :)
very nicely done! thanks!
that was awesome! thanks!
Your work is stunning. I am completely blown away by your talent. Thank you for sharing.
beautiful.
I’m a little late in the game with your writing, but this was…this was…WOW! I love it. Truly amazing.