“She agreed to alternatives, but she hasn’t voiced how it would make her feel if in fact she couldn’t carry the baby.”

“That’s an important discussion to have Bette, especially if she puts her career aside to concentrate on having this baby. Think about her current job situation as it compares to ten years ago. She just resigned her job at the center and although she didn’t quit this job solely to have the baby, she might very well put her new career aside for it. If having a baby becomes an obsession for her and it’s the only thing, she’s focused on she could end up getting depressed again and shutting down if it doesn’t happen. I know she is embarking on a new career, but for all intents and purposes you are the sole financial provider for your family at this moment. Your financial picture is vastly different than it was ten years ago, but has she resolved her anxieties about finances, so it doesn’t rear its ugly head again? Does she have some coping mechanisms in place so that if she has difficulty conceiving, she doesn’t get so depressed that she shuts down and shuts you out again? All your efforts to make this a great experience for her will mean nothing if she doesn’t accept them, or if she doesn’t do some of the work herself. You said that she wouldn’t forgive you or speak to you for weeks at a time and rebuffed every attempt you made to make things up to her whenever she was upset with you. How are you going to handle that if she does it again? Last time you retreated. You know that wasn’t the answer, but how long are you expected to take the rejection if she doesn’t let you in? Darling all I’m saying is that this isn’t one-sided. You are in it together. I know how you always want to protect Tina and not cause her any pain or hurt but it’s up to her to make you feel a part of this experience with her. It’s up to her to communicate what she’s feeling. She can’t expect you to read her mind and know how to respond. If you don’t face these issues now it will be more painful later. I don’t want to sound like a meddlesome old woman, but I want to protect you from any unnecessary pain Bette. I have two major regrets when it comes to you. One is for not interfering with your decision to sell your art gallery. I should have stepped in and offered you advice and alternatives so that you could have kept the gallery and still provide a financially secure future for your family. I had financial consultants that could have worked with you on investments and other options. My second regret was ever introducing Helena into your life. If I hadn’t talked about you so much she may not have developed this hatred for you and this vendetta against you; but even if she had come as a friend instead of foe given your marital situation at the time and Tina’s attraction to her they could have very well ended up together regardless. I know Helena can be manipulative, charming, and persuasive but I don’t think she would have forced Tina into having an affair if she wasn’t a willing participant. Tina made the decision to continue dating Helena well into her pregnancy even though she recognized you as the mother. She had to know how much that would hurt you and especially flaunting it in front of your friends and family. Bette, I know you don’t want to hear this, but I have to say it. I don’t want to look back on this day as one that I will regret because I kept my mouth shut. I’m trusting that our relationship can handle my honesty. You are so self-sacrificing sometimes when it comes to Tina. I know she is your weakness but I’m going to repeat something that you said to me a few months ago about Helena. You said, ‘granted I made some mistakes in her upbringing but there comes a time when people have to take responsibility for their own actions and that she made the choices to do the things that she did’. Well I’m saying that to you now Bette. Granted you made some mistakes with how you handled the whole ‘trying to have a baby’ experience with Tina, but she also must take responsibility for her actions. She made her choices freely. She chose to hurt you. Your heart is at risk as much as hers. She needs to make sure that she’s doing everything she can to make this an act of love for you as well. As I’ve said before you can tell me to butt out anytime, but I really needed to voice these concerns. I’m sorry if I’ve said too much.”

“No. You’ve just verbalized a lot of what I’ve been thinking myself but just too afraid to face. I know I need to talk to Tina about all these things. It’s the only way we can prevent the pitfalls. We need to acknowledge that things might not go exactly as planned, and we need to have ways to deal with it in a healthy non-destructive manner. I’m going to suggest that we both talk to Emma; she’s our therapist. I’m sure Tina might have some different issues just stemming from the fact that she is the one that is physically trying to conceive the baby. She’ll have to deal with her own self-esteem, sexuality and feelings about her body and how she will react if she can’t conceive. I won’t know what she is going through unless she tells me. She didn’t do much communicating the first time around. She left me out of it. For the record you are not meddling. I really do appreciate how much you love me and want to protect me. I know I would do the same for Angie. I would never want to have regrets for not doing something to help her if I could. Thank you. I love you for being honest with me. Kit is usually the one that gives me the kick in the pants when I need it, but she’s busy with her new granddaughter. She’ll be glad to know that you’ve stepped into her shoes and have done such a thorough job of it.”

“I’m happy to help. You aren’t upset with me, are you?”

“Not at all. You’re just being a mom and I’m grateful. I mean it. Thank you.