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The Real Bette Porter
“Hey, over here…” Alice called as she waved her arm in the air.
“You go over Tee, I’ll order…” Bette said with a smile.
Tina walked over to the table where Alice and Dana sat, “hey guys…”
“Good morning Ms Kennard, how are you this glorious Saturday morning?”
Tina looked at Alice with a creased frown, “have you been drinking?”
“Uh no…”
“Why are you so chirpy?” Tina asked while smiling at Dana.
“She’s just in one of those moods…” Dana pipped in.
“I am so not in any mood…, none whatsoever…” Alice said as she sat up straight, as if her seating position would enforce her words.
Dana winked at Tina and gave a slight shake of her head, mouthing the words ‘in a stupid mood’.
Bette walked up to the table with two cups and saucers in her hand, placing them on the table in front of Tina, “Kit will bring the tea over in a minute…, hey you two…” Bette said as she looked at Dana and Alice.
“Hi Bette…” Dana said as she sipped her coffee.
“So Porter, how are you this delightful Saturday morning?” Alice asked, ignoring Tina and Dana’s comments.
“Are you on drugs?” Bette asked as she arranged herself on the seat next to Tina and opposite Alice.
“Why do you people have to think there is something wrong with someone, just because they feel like being pleasant?” Alice said as she huffed and slouched in her chair.
“Uh, that may be because when ‘you’ are being pleasant it means you have either been drinking, you’ve taken something or you’ve eaten too many e numbers…” Bette laughed, feeling very relaxed on what would be the beginning of a weekend free of work.
“Well pardon me for caring…” Alice said with a smirk, suddenly looking over at Bette. “Bette, can I ask you something?”
“Should I be concerned?” Bette replied, glancing at Tina with a slight concerned look on her face.
“Of course not, we’re best friends aren’t we?” Alice added sweetly.
“Uh, I guess…, go on then…”
“Well there are certain things I just wondered about…” Alice said as she got her note pad out of her bag.
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LOL Jo you can always make me laugh out loud!! Thank you for this bit of fun on a gray day in Seattle. Bette most certainly is “normal,” all except for throwing used tampons at the trash can and missing….ick!!! LOL
Not used tampons, that would be ick – just the papers they come wrapped in LOL
That was just so funny. I loved it!!! Thank you
Haha this is great. So funny! Thanks for this :)
Thanks for this series of silly questions on everyday, normal, disgusting stuff. It’s so funny! Good to see you post again, Jo. I hope all is well in your world. Cheers! =)
OMG that was so fucking funny and cute, love it. Thanks for the post ansd please post more, thanks!
Too funny.
FUNNY!Poor Bette.Thank you and PPS
Effing brilliant!! you had me in stitches thank you for this amazing post.
that has me chuckle, my wife is giving me strange looks good one xx
Oh, thank Goddess!!! I had this visual in my head that was pure ick!! LOL Thanks again Jo!!!
verry funny thank you this is amazing story!!!!
What a lovely treat! Thank you for posting
LOL…OK i dont normally”Do”the bodily functions thing…it happenens!Ideal with it!so inbetween the lol i had to feel sorry for Poor Bette..Her cover was kinda blown as the perfect hot woman..Alice as always brill..But i still think Bettes Granny pants would be cooler than anyones elses!!!Like old times enjoying a chapter from you..Nice one!
Oh Gawwwd, Jo! What have you done??? You just destroyed my Porter fantasy and ended my Bettesexual life forever!!! That first comment from Tina was soooooo not necessary!!! And the wind thing under the cover with Tina?… Gawwwd!!! Okay now, back to my Tibetteland where they don’t burp, don’t fart, don’t drool on the pillow during the night, don’t have bad breath, don’t have stinky feet,… That was hilarious though. But how come, in spite of this “wonderful” chapter of yours, I still see Bette Porter as a goddess?!!… I guess that’s what you call “love”!!! Thanks Jo… ;)
Hahahahahahaha ! This was hilarious. That being said, we all know those are big fat lies. Bette doesn’t do any of those things, come on ! Goddesses don’t ( excuse my French ) poop, let alone fart or pick their noses and they are born with make-up on, they don’t need to apply it or wash their faces. In the words of Lady Gaga, Bette was just born this way ;) I’m with Kword on this one, going back to read stories where Bette and Tina are only shown under the best light … Hahaha ! BTW, weren’t we supposed to get one last chapter of Discovering Aphrodite ? ;)
HYSTERICAL!! : I burp, I fart, I wear big pants that have gone grey in the wash…, I even pick my nose occasionally…, and they ask me if I’m normal…, of course I’m fucking normal…”…Bette in Granny Pants – Love it!! But no matter – she’s still is and always will be(along w/Tina) the Hottest Lesbian on TV. (Even if she was doing “gay for pay”…) TiBette will always be our fanfic super heroines! How many years has it been since the show stopped??!…and look at “US”…never ending! As a reader, rather than a writer…I pray to Aphrodite herself, may these authors never run out of their imagination,desire…etc. Whatever it is that keeps them going – please Goddess inspire them eternally! Gratefully Yours, Hellbent(and everyone else that continues to read)Jobadge – I still want my Flora, Fauna and Merriweather type happy ending for Discovering Aphrodite. All you have to do is wave your magic wand over your keyboard! LoL
OH – & BTW – thanx for clarifying the tampons not hitting the floor -just the paper coverings! That would have killed it for me FOR SURE! Yucky! OH – and what’s w/that “wind” thing?! Is it a Brit thing? Cause a fart is a fart, and wind(although it might sound “refined”)…wind is something Mother Nature uses to blow through her Tree-Hair! (so to speak). Now if Bette admitted to lighting her farts on fire…I might have peed in my pants laughing!
my god jobadge, you have made my fucking week, i`ve never laughed so much,please girl keep these one-offs coming,there always appreciated, much love…….jb…x
LMAO, this was hilarious…Bette Porter is normal LOL
I’ve often wondered if Bette was perfect. In the show, there aren’t any nasty little habits on display.
awsomee.!!! so funny and so true Bette always looks so perfect
Totally hilarious!
How simply wonderful was this update. THank you for this story. I read it in the office and had to control myself with not laughing out loud. Love it. Thank you.
Hahaha omg this is the funniest story I’ve ever read!
You know, Alice has the balls and dares to ask questions about things we all want to know but don’t dare to ask Way to go Alice!
I had a ball. Hilariously written. Thank you, tears are still rolling of my cheeks.