Fan Fiction
This story has been set to a rating of PG. Age verification is required to proceed.
Situations
Login to add story to favorites
(3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)You need to be a registered member to rate this post.
Loading ...
“Give me an example…” Bette asked.
Alice smirked, she looked over her glasses directly at Bette, “did you have a number two this morning?”
“What?” Bette said aghast at the question.
“A number two…, you know, have you had a poo this morning?” Alice said, lowering her voice and looking around at the other patrons, wondering if anyone had heard her.
“Alice, I am not talking to you about my bathroom habits.”
Alice looked directly at Bette…, “it’s normal…”
“I don’t care, I’m still not talking to you about it…”
“Tina…, has Bette been for a number two this morning?”
Tina glanced at Bette, smirking as she turned back to Alice, “yes and I have to say…” Tina waved her hand across her face, “a little on the stinky side…”
“Tina…” Bette said, not believing what Tina had just said.
“And you left skid marks in the bottom of the pan…” Tina added, laughing at the pink hue that had begun to rise from Bette’s neck.
“Oh my god Porter…, you did a smelly number two…”
Bette looked at her friends, shaking her head and deciding not to rise to their mocking. She would ignore it.
Tina placed her hand on Bette’s knee, reassuringly giving a squeeze, “I still love you babe…”
“What about periods Bette…, do you have them?” Alice asked, looking back at her list.
Bette ground her back teeth together, clenching her jaw at what she knew would just be a barrage of stupid questions coming from Alice. This was going to be either a ‘let’s get at Porter’ or she could go along with the ride and tell Alice some things that she just won’t be expecting.
“Yes Alice, I have periods…”
“And are you a towel or tampon user?” Alice added.
Bette looked at Tina, “why isn’t she asking you these questions…?”
Alice interjected, “we already know Tina is normal…, you on the other hand walk around as a seemingly perfect and pristine being. I want to know if there is a normal person behind the facade of Porterness…”
“Alice you are being stupid…”
“I’m sorry, but people need to know Bette…” Alice said, marking her notebook with her pen. “So…, getting back to it…”
Comments
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
LOL Jo you can always make me laugh out loud!! Thank you for this bit of fun on a gray day in Seattle. Bette most certainly is “normal,” all except for throwing used tampons at the trash can and missing….ick!!! LOL
Not used tampons, that would be ick – just the papers they come wrapped in LOL
That was just so funny. I loved it!!! Thank you
Haha this is great. So funny! Thanks for this :)
Thanks for this series of silly questions on everyday, normal, disgusting stuff. It’s so funny! Good to see you post again, Jo. I hope all is well in your world. Cheers! =)
OMG that was so fucking funny and cute, love it. Thanks for the post ansd please post more, thanks!
Too funny.
FUNNY!Poor Bette.Thank you and PPS
Effing brilliant!! you had me in stitches thank you for this amazing post.
that has me chuckle, my wife is giving me strange looks good one xx
Oh, thank Goddess!!! I had this visual in my head that was pure ick!! LOL Thanks again Jo!!!
verry funny thank you this is amazing story!!!!
What a lovely treat! Thank you for posting
LOL…OK i dont normally”Do”the bodily functions thing…it happenens!Ideal with it!so inbetween the lol i had to feel sorry for Poor Bette..Her cover was kinda blown as the perfect hot woman..Alice as always brill..But i still think Bettes Granny pants would be cooler than anyones elses!!!Like old times enjoying a chapter from you..Nice one!
Oh Gawwwd, Jo! What have you done??? You just destroyed my Porter fantasy and ended my Bettesexual life forever!!! That first comment from Tina was soooooo not necessary!!! And the wind thing under the cover with Tina?… Gawwwd!!! Okay now, back to my Tibetteland where they don’t burp, don’t fart, don’t drool on the pillow during the night, don’t have bad breath, don’t have stinky feet,… That was hilarious though. But how come, in spite of this “wonderful” chapter of yours, I still see Bette Porter as a goddess?!!… I guess that’s what you call “love”!!! Thanks Jo… ;)
Hahahahahahaha ! This was hilarious. That being said, we all know those are big fat lies. Bette doesn’t do any of those things, come on ! Goddesses don’t ( excuse my French ) poop, let alone fart or pick their noses and they are born with make-up on, they don’t need to apply it or wash their faces. In the words of Lady Gaga, Bette was just born this way ;) I’m with Kword on this one, going back to read stories where Bette and Tina are only shown under the best light … Hahaha ! BTW, weren’t we supposed to get one last chapter of Discovering Aphrodite ? ;)
HYSTERICAL!! : I burp, I fart, I wear big pants that have gone grey in the wash…, I even pick my nose occasionally…, and they ask me if I’m normal…, of course I’m fucking normal…”…Bette in Granny Pants – Love it!! But no matter – she’s still is and always will be(along w/Tina) the Hottest Lesbian on TV. (Even if she was doing “gay for pay”…) TiBette will always be our fanfic super heroines! How many years has it been since the show stopped??!…and look at “US”…never ending! As a reader, rather than a writer…I pray to Aphrodite herself, may these authors never run out of their imagination,desire…etc. Whatever it is that keeps them going – please Goddess inspire them eternally! Gratefully Yours, Hellbent(and everyone else that continues to read)Jobadge – I still want my Flora, Fauna and Merriweather type happy ending for Discovering Aphrodite. All you have to do is wave your magic wand over your keyboard! LoL
OH – & BTW – thanx for clarifying the tampons not hitting the floor -just the paper coverings! That would have killed it for me FOR SURE! Yucky! OH – and what’s w/that “wind” thing?! Is it a Brit thing? Cause a fart is a fart, and wind(although it might sound “refined”)…wind is something Mother Nature uses to blow through her Tree-Hair! (so to speak). Now if Bette admitted to lighting her farts on fire…I might have peed in my pants laughing!
my god jobadge, you have made my fucking week, i`ve never laughed so much,please girl keep these one-offs coming,there always appreciated, much love…….jb…x
LMAO, this was hilarious…Bette Porter is normal LOL
I’ve often wondered if Bette was perfect. In the show, there aren’t any nasty little habits on display.
awsomee.!!! so funny and so true Bette always looks so perfect
Totally hilarious!
How simply wonderful was this update. THank you for this story. I read it in the office and had to control myself with not laughing out loud. Love it. Thank you.
Hahaha omg this is the funniest story I’ve ever read!
You know, Alice has the balls and dares to ask questions about things we all want to know but don’t dare to ask Way to go Alice!
I had a ball. Hilariously written. Thank you, tears are still rolling of my cheeks.