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‘Is she really gonna flush that ring?’ Tina asked.
‘I hope so,’ Bette replied.
‘Because it’s ugly.’
‘Honey, I’d flush that ring even if the wedding actually happened.’
And then Fake Alice is surprised to discover her publisher has sent someone to help her with her book.
‘I don’t know how she can be surprised by that,’ Tina said, topping off her and Bette’s glasses. ‘Fake Alice has worked in the media for decades. She probably knows a ton of ghostwriters and script doctors. Crazy.’
Next, Fake Bette was on screen in a very nice leather jacket.
‘You think that’s pleather?’ Bette asked.
‘I doubt it. This show spends way more on wardrobe than it does on writing.’
‘Okay, stop,’ Bette said a little later, looking for the remote, which had slipped behind them on the sofa. ‘Stop, stop, we have to stop . . . I can’t . . .’
Tina found the remote and hit pause. ‘You okay?’ she asked, a playful little smile on her face.
‘This is embarrassing,’ Bette said quietly, avoiding the TV and lightly stroking herself between the eyes.
‘Really?’ Tina looked at the screen, where Fake Bette was biting Gigi’s tongue. ‘I think it’s kinda nice. A sexy older woman making love? How often do you see that on TV? Two women of colour, too.’
‘Yes,’ Bette said, ‘but that’s all what it looks like. What about what it actually is?’
Tina stared at Bette, thinking as she held her glass against her throat, to get the cooling sensation on her skin. ‘What is it?’ she asked.
‘To me, it’s a failure.’ Bette’s eyes were dark with intensity. ‘Fake Bette isn’t in love with Gigi. And she won’t feel better after this, she’ll feel worse, because she’s still going to want Fake Tina and Fake Tina is still going to be engaged to Carrie.’
‘Okay,’ Tina said, ‘but this is TV. It’s a visual medium. We don’t know what’s in their heads, we only know what they’re doing, and to me what they’re doing looks fine.’ Bette looked sceptical. ‘Also, what’s her alternative? You said it yourself, Fake Tina is still engaged to Carrie so what’s Fake Bette supposed to do? She’s single, Gigi’s ready to mingle . . .’