Bette:

”I did too! Every first good snowfall I would go over next door to my friend Todd’s house and we would spend hours building the perfect snowman. Everyone that lived in the neighborhood would come to look at our masterpiece. Go back and pull up the Philadelphia Daily from November 1979 and our snowman was on the front page!. And the reason I didn’t build a sand castle with you that day was because of all the damn hermit crabs trying to crawl up my bikini bottom. You don’t remember me trying to swat them away as they were trying to crawl up in there” I say shaking my head remembering those fucking things steadily trying to inch their way inside the crotch of my bikini.

Tina is laughing at me so hard she is holding her side and I can’t help but laugh with her. It feels good to laugh. Especially with Tina. I have missed her terribly. Suddenly I feel alive again.

”Oh God! You are right! How could I forget that? I think I remember you yelling at me saying something like–Tina! Get these fucking crabs away from me! They are trying to rape me!” Tina said laughing so hard she was wiping away tears.

”Well they were. It was very traumatizing. A whole army of them were trying to march their way in there. It was like I was living the Invasion of the Pussy Snatchers or something!” I say and cover my mouth quickly with my hand hoping Angelica didn’t hear me just then or heard anything we were talking about after she left out of the kitchen.

I look back at Tina and remove my hand as she continues to wipe away tears. She stops laughing to look at me for a moment before she started laughing again.

”God I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time. I hope you reliving that traumatic experience doesn’t send you back to Dan Foxworthy’s sofa” Tina says and I roll my eyes.

”Well you would be traumatized to if they were trying to head for your crotch. If they had succeeded in their invasion then that would have given a whole new meaning to having crabs” I say folding my arms giving a pout that made Tina laugh even harder.