“I’m sorry. That was a harsh thing to say”, Carmen rubbed her forehead and closed her eyes for a split second.

“No, no. It’s fine”.

“It’s not. I was just… Shane, I’m worried for you. Are you okay?”, finally Carmen looked up at her with concerned eyes, sarcasm dropping, embarrassment vanishing. 

Shane let out a deep sigh.

“I guess I am, yeah”, she murmured, insecurely. 

“Then are you gonna let me in?”, Carmen asked again, and it was the last time. Another sign of incertitude from Shane’s part, and Carmen would have given up.

Shane moved away from the door and gestured to the hallway. 

“Sure… sure. Come in”. 

Carmen thanked her under her voice and walked inside the perfectly neat apartment. Her eyes unfocused for a second as she heard Shane close the door quietly. 

“I miss you”, Carmen immediately said, honestly. 

Shane gripped the door knob tighter and then let it go.

“I miss you too”, she replied, her voice smokier than usual. Then, she turned fully to look at Carmen and rested her back against the closed door. She shoved her hands into her pockets. If Carmen had said it, if Carmen had said, now, that she loved her, that she wanted her back, that she was tired of all the bullshit surrounding them, Shane would have simply moved two steps forward and taken her into her arms, kissing their incertitude away. 

But Carmen didn’t say anything of that sort.

“I don’t want to ruin whatever is going on between you and Molly, Shane, but… I really miss you. I miss your presence in my life. Our moments together… as friends”, she winced at the word ‘friend’ because truth was, she missed much more than that. She missed having Shane in her bed, into her arms, and her kisses, and her hands and her eyes and the way they would sparkle early in the morning. But she couldn’t say it. Not with Molly or anybody else in the picture. 

“We’ve been growing distant…”, Shane considered with a sigh, biting the corner of her bottom lip nervously, “…And I don’t like that”. 

“Neither do I”. Now Carmen’s eyes were wandering over Shane’s face, looking for something, an answer, a solution, a certitude. 

“I…”, Shane seemed to choke on her words for a second, “…I don’t wanna lose you, Carm. We have this… this special chemistry”, she swallowed, flashes of Carmen’s naked skin before her eyes, of Carmen’s very private words into her ear, “this connection. I never had anything of that sort with anybody else”.