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Bette and Tina take time to process – Chapter 16
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“I think that was part of it. It just seemed like a compromise at the time.”
“While that decision may have made practical sense, leaving Bette out would only serve to widen the distance and push her out of the equation. Self-insemination or even the decision to do the inseminations at the doctor’s office would greatly contribute to the discord between the two of you. Imagine how very lonely and heartbreaking it would have been if the one time you self-inseminated was the time it took? Bette would have missed out. Another detriment was the very fact that you could do this on your own. Why involve her at all? Now you’ve made it clear that she really is on the peripheral.
It’s not like she is the “man” producing the sperm where his participation is imperative. You have to think about the fact that Bette did not have a biological connection to this child. Her bonding had to be formed in a different way. By you protecting her or excluding her and taking so much of it on yourself you took away that chance. You also didn’t give her a choice of how much involvement she would have. Had she been more a part of it she would have likely been able to more intuitively sense what was going on with you. Put yourself in her shoes for a minute. If you seemed to be handling things well and you didn’t ever express that you needed her then you can’t fault her completely for going about her business of making a living for her family. Maybe shutting off her feelings a bit was a defense mechanism to protect herself from feeling totally useless in the situation.
Bette’s personality tends to be one that needs to solve problems and control outcomes but this was totally out of her realm of experience. She was helpless to do anything without an indication from you to guide her, hence the focus on the practical things that she could control. At a time when the two of you should have been clinging together you chose separate lives. Not only was the failure to conceive prominent but the failure of your marriage was imminent.
The journey to parenthood is different for every couple. I’ve speculated some on yours. From your response I think I might have hit the nail on the head a few times. But I truly can’t sit here and tell you what you did right or wrong because there is no right and wrong way to feel in a situation like this.
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So glad they are making progress. Thanks, enjoyed it
Thank you wkm. Glad you are enjoying the progress. Lots more to come.
BETTE would get TINA warmed up time after time only to pump the brakes when TINA wa ready to make love.DAN was a counselor yet BETTE felt they didn’t need one.BOTH BETTE/TINA was to wrapped up in their own problems to see that this way of thinking was THE PROBLEM .Looking for donors it became what ever the other one wanted not what THEY wanted.BETTE found the donor,BETTE picks the guy to go home with them,BETTE finds the second donor all her choices yet TINA just went along.TINA confides in friends when she should talk to BETTE,TINA inseminates herself ,TINA has a reality check when MARCUS turns out to be black.To share all these hidden truths between them and at the end of the day realizes that there is still enough of a spark to ignite the sexual urges for each other gives them hope that this too can be put in the category of what not to do when planning a baby.Let the love they know is there shine thru.Best quote of this ”ze penis,ze pussy ,ze baby” that was one for the history books.pps thanks
dunnthat. Thank you for commenting and providing great insight. The point of rehashing all this history is to understand, forgive, and move on. Most importantly to learn from mistakes, pay attention to the warning signs, and not repeat bad behaviours. They are making good progress emotionally and eventually the physical relationship will resume.
Thanks for this great chapter.
One step at a time, they are reconnecting .
the entire constellation.
mscully – thank you for reading, commenting and rating. I love it when you reward my chapters with ‘the entire constellation’ :-)
Like what mscully said one step at a time, they already have talked much about a lot of their problems and it was very wise to ask Paul for his insight when they were not able to do that by them selves, but they are making progress.
The flashback that Bette came home earlier to spend time with Tina, trying to reconnect, and that Tina went to the gym, was for me absolutely heart breaking, it showed how disconnect they were.
I didn’t like the first few chapters, but Bat, you have defiantly my attention again.
Thanks for sharing your talent with us!
Bibi28 – thank you for sticking with the story. I know it was a rough beginning and I really appreciate that you gave it chance. Bette and Tina are going to progress by leaps and bounds before the end of this retreat.