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Bette and Tina take time to process – Chapter 16
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Generally the “mommy” is more emotionally invested because as you said Tina your life pretty much revolved around eating healthy, cutting back on drinking and caffeine, exercising to get your body in shape, tracking your cycles, taking your temperatures, taking vitamins all to increase your chances for conception. Bette’s involvement was pretty much limited to that three day window while you were ovulating each month. That’s not to say she didn’t experience the same level of roller-coaster emotions with the expectations and disappointments. I’m sure there were times when you protected her from it and absorbed most of that yourself am I correct?”
“Yes most of the time I would do the pregnancy test by myself or with Alice. Bette was usually at work. By the time she got home I had things pretty much under control. She didn’t see me breaking down or crying. There was even one time that I got the sperm from Sean and did a self-insemination when she was out of town.”
“So you see what’s happening here Tina? You’ve taken full responsibility for having this baby. You quit your job, so you have limited social interactions except with your friends. You are trying to spare Bette as much as possible so you’re taking on the majority of the burden. At the same time you are repressing your feelings and emotions. Doing this time after time can become ominous and pretty soon they can overtake you.
Regardless of the fact that intellectually you know that it’s not your failure that has caused the infertility emotionally you may feel differently. You may start thinking about what you might be doing wrong. Maybe you think back to the two abortions you had and wonder if that might have affected your chances to conceive.
You might have thought how cruel fate can be that when you weren’t seeking to get pregnant you conceived twice as a result of conventional sex with a man which could lead you to consider that it might be the process of insemination that is ineffective. Your expectation when you quit your job was that you’d likely be pregnant within a couple of months. Now here it was six months later and you were at loose ends as to what to do with your time.
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So glad they are making progress. Thanks, enjoyed it
Thank you wkm. Glad you are enjoying the progress. Lots more to come.
BETTE would get TINA warmed up time after time only to pump the brakes when TINA wa ready to make love.DAN was a counselor yet BETTE felt they didn’t need one.BOTH BETTE/TINA was to wrapped up in their own problems to see that this way of thinking was THE PROBLEM .Looking for donors it became what ever the other one wanted not what THEY wanted.BETTE found the donor,BETTE picks the guy to go home with them,BETTE finds the second donor all her choices yet TINA just went along.TINA confides in friends when she should talk to BETTE,TINA inseminates herself ,TINA has a reality check when MARCUS turns out to be black.To share all these hidden truths between them and at the end of the day realizes that there is still enough of a spark to ignite the sexual urges for each other gives them hope that this too can be put in the category of what not to do when planning a baby.Let the love they know is there shine thru.Best quote of this ”ze penis,ze pussy ,ze baby” that was one for the history books.pps thanks
dunnthat. Thank you for commenting and providing great insight. The point of rehashing all this history is to understand, forgive, and move on. Most importantly to learn from mistakes, pay attention to the warning signs, and not repeat bad behaviours. They are making good progress emotionally and eventually the physical relationship will resume.
Thanks for this great chapter.
One step at a time, they are reconnecting .
the entire constellation.
mscully – thank you for reading, commenting and rating. I love it when you reward my chapters with ‘the entire constellation’ :-)
Like what mscully said one step at a time, they already have talked much about a lot of their problems and it was very wise to ask Paul for his insight when they were not able to do that by them selves, but they are making progress.
The flashback that Bette came home earlier to spend time with Tina, trying to reconnect, and that Tina went to the gym, was for me absolutely heart breaking, it showed how disconnect they were.
I didn’t like the first few chapters, but Bat, you have defiantly my attention again.
Thanks for sharing your talent with us!
Bibi28 – thank you for sticking with the story. I know it was a rough beginning and I really appreciate that you gave it chance. Bette and Tina are going to progress by leaps and bounds before the end of this retreat.