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Bette and Tina take time to process – Chapter 16
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As a result of taking responsibility upon yourself for the emotional impact of the infertility you may have experienced a range of feelings that might have included anger, fear, insecurity, blame, failure, anxiety, and depression to a total disconnect from Bette. All these thoughts and emotions might have led you to seek out Dr. Foxworthy. I see two issues here. You hadn’t shared any of this with Bette and you didn’t ask her for what you needed. She’s clueless due to your lack of communication yet you blame her and get upset with her because she didn’t react the way you wanted her to.
Seeing someone professionally was a move in the right direction but it was counter-intuitive when you take into consideration that you were in part causing the problem. On one hand you were excluding Bette by taking it all on yourself or sharing things with friends that should have been reserved for your partner. You in essence pushed her away while at the same time you were yearning for emotional connections. You wanted to have sexual interactions outside of the insemination window yet you never initiated it. You wanted to draw her in but your method of forcing her to go to Dr. Foxworthy was a surefire way to guarantee that she would build up her protective walls and pull away.”
“The push and pull?” Tina knew the term well.
“Push and pull, emotional blackmail, manipulation, ignoring boundaries. They all wreak havoc on a relationship when it lacks so much basic communication. While you have this intense need that only Bette can fulfill you don’t tell her. On the other hand she is likely feeling that there isn’t much she can do except to keep her part of the deal which is to relieve your anxieties about money by making sure she’s successful in her job. You said there was a time that you self-inseminated because Bette was out of town correct?”
“Yes. She offered to cancel her trip but I didn’t want her to.”
“I’m betting you were more concerned about loss of income or use of her time. You probably had it in the back of your mind that the insemination would likely fail again and maybe Bette would resent having missed the meeting for nothing?”
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So glad they are making progress. Thanks, enjoyed it
Thank you wkm. Glad you are enjoying the progress. Lots more to come.
BETTE would get TINA warmed up time after time only to pump the brakes when TINA wa ready to make love.DAN was a counselor yet BETTE felt they didn’t need one.BOTH BETTE/TINA was to wrapped up in their own problems to see that this way of thinking was THE PROBLEM .Looking for donors it became what ever the other one wanted not what THEY wanted.BETTE found the donor,BETTE picks the guy to go home with them,BETTE finds the second donor all her choices yet TINA just went along.TINA confides in friends when she should talk to BETTE,TINA inseminates herself ,TINA has a reality check when MARCUS turns out to be black.To share all these hidden truths between them and at the end of the day realizes that there is still enough of a spark to ignite the sexual urges for each other gives them hope that this too can be put in the category of what not to do when planning a baby.Let the love they know is there shine thru.Best quote of this ”ze penis,ze pussy ,ze baby” that was one for the history books.pps thanks
dunnthat. Thank you for commenting and providing great insight. The point of rehashing all this history is to understand, forgive, and move on. Most importantly to learn from mistakes, pay attention to the warning signs, and not repeat bad behaviours. They are making good progress emotionally and eventually the physical relationship will resume.
Thanks for this great chapter.
One step at a time, they are reconnecting .
the entire constellation.
mscully – thank you for reading, commenting and rating. I love it when you reward my chapters with ‘the entire constellation’ :-)
Like what mscully said one step at a time, they already have talked much about a lot of their problems and it was very wise to ask Paul for his insight when they were not able to do that by them selves, but they are making progress.
The flashback that Bette came home earlier to spend time with Tina, trying to reconnect, and that Tina went to the gym, was for me absolutely heart breaking, it showed how disconnect they were.
I didn’t like the first few chapters, but Bat, you have defiantly my attention again.
Thanks for sharing your talent with us!
Bibi28 – thank you for sticking with the story. I know it was a rough beginning and I really appreciate that you gave it chance. Bette and Tina are going to progress by leaps and bounds before the end of this retreat.