Salma made a few more notes in her notebook, and Bette looked at it and wondered what she could write there.

”How did Tina react to your calmness?”

”Tina was on antidepressants for a long time and did not notice anything that was happening around her. All I remember is that we were lying in bed one day, almost asleep, and she asked me how I managed to recover so quickly from this tragedy. I said I couldn’t answer her because I didn’t know. At that time, I really felt like I had recovered, because I didn’t cry, I didn’t have panic attacks, I could work hard and I didn’t think about what happened. It was a deceptive feeling.”

”What makes you think it was deceptive?” 

”Because if I really recovered so quickly, I could talk about Oli calmly, I could look at her photos, I could open a box with her favorite toys without being afraid that I would have to take a sedative after that, I could remember her” Bette put a hand to her eyes to keep the tears from rolling down her cheeks, then gave a short, disappointed nod. ”If you’ve fixed the wound and it’s healed, it won’t suddenly bleed, will it?”

”Bette, we can take a break if you want” Salma looked at Bette, her eyes soft and understanding.

”No, I don’t need a break. I want to continue” Bette shook her head, simultaneously wiping her lower eyelids, which were already wet.

”I want to tell you about my view of what we just talked about. Do you want to hear it?”

”Sure”

”It often happens that close people who are try to calm you down, without realizing it, drive the following attitude into a person’s head: ”You should not grieve so much.” This desire of others often interacts with the bereaved person’s own protection, which leads to a denial of the necessity or inevitability of grief. Sometimes it is verbalized as: ”I must not cry”, ”I must not grieve”, ”I must get a grip on myself”. In this situation, the manifestation of grief is blocked, emotions are not developed and do not come to their logical conclusion. Some people who are experiencing loss, to alleviate the pain of their heart, try to avoid thoughts of loss. This helps them to avoid unpleasant experiences associated with death. To avoid any memories, someone starts using alcohol or drugs. Others use the ”geographical method” – continuous travel. Still others are immersed in continuous hard work, go on business trips, which allows them not to think about anything other than the constant daily tasks. This behavior doesn’t always need to be investigated and analyzed. Sometimes, revealing the reasons why a person avoids experiences, we can cause even more severe pain. In this situation, this is not a choice of a person dictated by his experience of life, his evolution, but rather the choice of his subconscious, which better sees how it will be easier. Those who agree to research the causes that led to the blockage of emotions often note a deterioration in their condition, they form a sense of guilt towards the deceased. Attempts to impose an open expression of feelings on a person in order to restore emotions are not always productive. Changing the stereotype of behavior associated with the ban on open expression of feelings sometimes leads to the fact that a person can not cope with newly opened, returned emotions. I described something that relates to the way you were five years ago. This could all happen to you if the emotional blockage stopped, say, a month or a year after it started. But your brain helped you and blocked your feelings for a while, after which you will be able to survive this loss and build your future. Because judging by the way you describe those events and your condition, you are now ready to continue going through this. The next stage is an attempt to meet with material reminders of Oli. From the outside, I can tell that you are ready for this, but you have to feel it yourself. Willingness to step up there, to cross that line.”