Tina: Okay, guys, how about some dessert?

Daniel:  Yeah, I want some sticky rice with coconut cream and mangos.

Angie: Oh, yes. And maybe some coffee?

Mary:  That sounds interesting. I’ll try it too.

Tina: Sounds like the choice of the night.

Bette:  Might as well make it unanimous. Five sticky rice and mangos.

The family enjoyed their dinner and were pleased that the cabs were right on time and waiting when they walked out the door. Tina and the kids took the first one and Bette and Mary took the second one.

Mary: This week has been a true pleasure. You have two very intelligent and industrious kids. They look for things to do and to make things easier. They don’t wait for instruction. I find that amazing. I’ve never been around children like that.

Bette: They have always been like that. They seem to understand that the good times come when the work is done. And they also understand that when we have a family project, everyone has to put their shoulder to the wheel and participate to the best of their ability. Tina and I have always tried to instill into the kids that they too are members of the household and need to help with routine chores. And unlike most other parents, we decided early that we would not associate money with chores. Chores are those things which have to be done daily or weekly or periodically to make all of our lives more pleasant. So normal household chores would never be associated with a payday. As Tina once said “I don’t get paid to cook your breakfast and you will not get paid to wash the dishes or take out the garbage. If we are going to eat, someone has to cook, and someone has to clean up… so why don’t we all just pitch in and get it done and then maybe we can go to Central Park and fly kites?”

Mary:  I see you associated the chores with free time for all of you to do something fun together.

Bette:  Yeah. We made them responsible for their own rooms early in their lives. If their room wasn’t straightened up, we delayed our planned trip to the museum or to a movie or whatever until it got done. We tried to have fun weekends with the kids. We worked with them during the week on homework and their social life at school. It only took Angie one missed movie and she never allowed her room to get into a mess again. I think she told Daniel early that when either of us said that there would be a delay to the fun if the room was not finished or the usual chores were not done, Daniel decided she knew what she was talking about. Angie missing that movie just crushed her. Tina and I had to hide our disappointment in not seeing it, too. But we stood firm in that we told her several days ahead of time that would be the result if she didn’t straighten up her room. And she thought she would test us by not straightening it up on Sunday too. We told her that there would be no more outings until she had her room straighten up. So, we took Daniel to the kids lounge and played a few games with him and spent the day waiting on Angie to tell us she was finished. We spent some time doing things for ourselves, ordered food brought to the apartment and called Angie to the table and had regular meals. And when Angie begged to go to the movie, our answer was always the same. “When your room is straightened up, we will resume our fun activities. Your Mom and I are waiting on you. This is your responsibility. You made the mess; you get to clean it up.” Then Tina would say: “Angie, you do have a choice. Live in your mess and give up having activities with your family on the weekend or keep your room neat and organized and we will resume our outings on the weekend. Your mom and I pick up our room and we pick up Daniel’s room. But you are old enough and big enough to do your own room. You are almost eight years old. You know how to make up a bed and where your toys go. And you know where the dirty laundry goes. It’s your choice”.