I swing my feet to the floor and make my way towards my door. I head downstairs and find my phone. 

I think back to Carrie telling me how I tend to ruin everyone’s life. I think about how many times I was selfish to Tina. I was always about my life and my work. I never put her and her career first. I know my selfishness has taken a toll on a lot of people around me. I led Pipa on when she knew I wasn’t really over Tina. I know I’m a fuck up at times and I didn’t have to be reminded by Carrie. But I’m going to change, I’m going to start working on myself better. I have to do it. I should have done it a long time ago and I probably wouldn’t have lost Tina again. 

I scroll through my notifications and find one from Tina.

“We should talk.”

I close my eyes and sigh. “She knows.” I say aloud. 

____

I take a seat across from Tina while she hands me a fresh cup of coffee.

“I can’t believe Carrie would confront you like that.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to tell you. But to be honest I didn’t truly know if I wanted to tell you.”

“How come?”

“I didn’t want to bring you into it.”

“The argument only happened because of me, Bette.”

“It was foolishness.”

“I’m proud of you for walking away.”

I smile.

“Did she mention Ange?”

“I told her to keep our daughter’s name out of her mouth.”

“I know things were heated at the moment and she was drinking.”

“She was hammered.”

Tina shakes her head in disappointment.

I watch Tina take a sip of her coffee and gaze down into the cup.

“I know your feelings for Carrie are still there. I understand that. It’s not like popping a balloon and then it’s all over.”

“My feelings for her don’t compare to my true feelings for you.”

____

Tina

I see the glow in Bette’s eyes. I underestimate her at times. I know she always looks to take the blame and my wrong is letting her do so. But our blame is on the both of us for falling in love over and over again.