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Private Duty—Chapter 2
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Bette paused and put her finger over Tina’s lips when Tina tried to interrupt.
”Please. Let me finish” Bette said as Tina nodded. Bette removed her finger from Tina’s lips and continued.
”I spent a lot of time blaming myself for you feeling that you had to go to such lengths to get away from me. I also had years of therapy to help get me over my anger. It’s funny in a way because I wasn’t angry when I was in that cellar but when Kit found me and took me and the other two into her home I suddenly became angry…” Bette trailed off in thought
”At me?” Tina asked nervously knowing the answer but not really wanting to hear Bette say it
Bette turned her head away from Tina, released her hand and got up from the sofa. She walked over to the window and looked out at the flower garden collecting her thoughts.
”Yes” Bette answered softly not turning around to face Tina.
Tina closed her eyes and sighed
”Bette. You had every right to be angry with me. I was angry at myself. I mean I still am. Even though I was only 9 I knew what I did was wrong. The only thing I didn’t know was that you were going to end up…” Tina stopped as Bette turned around to face her.
”Tina? I never wanted to see you again. I wanted you completely out of mind and out of my heart” Bette said as she turned back around to stare out of the window
The words stung as Tina heard them and she buried her face in her hands as Bette continued.
”But I couldn’t. You were permanently rooted and I hated you for it. Hated that you still had an affect on me. On my life. You had no right to be in my constant thoughts. You had no right to invade my dreams. You had no right to stay in my heart. I adjusted quickly back to civilization and overcame the trauma of what had happened. But what continued to torture me was the fact that at 10 years old I fell in love with you and I couldn’t get you out of my system. That’s why I was so angry. Not because of what you did but because you robbed me of ever being able to give myself completely to someone else” Bette explained as she wiped tears from her eyes.
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Tina…Tina! Think girl…. Bette walk into your life 24 hours ago and you want her to start dating you? You want to be with her regardless of the circumstances and the fact that you feel so guilty about your actions of 20 years ago? Your way or the highway? Seems like a bit controlling and unreasonable. Being friends first sounds like a reasonable idea to me. Don’t you want to get to know this Bette…this woman who has been through so much trauma and accomplishment? Don’t you want her to know you? And to be sure that her forgiveness of your actions were well placed? Just making such a request would be seem a bit neurotic to me. Just go with the flow for a while, she going to be your mother’s live in nurse for a while. After making such a demand, some people would call the office and tell them to send another nurse. She may care for the girl you were, but she does not know the woman you are except that you are attracted to her but are feeling the guilt. What if after you have resolved your guilt problem, she does not seem so attractive any more? Hell, you’ve been a straight girl forever… are you really ready for this? Take some time to think about this…do you want to break her heart again?
Good story….cannot wait to see what happens next.
Totally agree with Martha. Not much to add. What starts in chaos ends in chaos. Take a breath, Tina. All is not black and white. It seems a little of the determined to get her own way Tina still lurks. She can’t change 20 years in five minutes. Is it love or to assuage her guilt? She can’t know. Yet. Interesting way to incorporate Alice and Shane. I like this story.
Agree with you and Martha. Tina wants to make up for lost time and “that is the “guilt” that Bette is talking about! She needs to want for Bette to really be healed from a broken heart. Hmmmm
Ditto to all of you. Tina’s reaction seemed very teenager-like but I’d say that her thoughts and emotions are all over the place after the revelation. She should go for a long walk to think, sit with her mother and tell her all of what was happening and going through her mind. Sometimes it helps to give voice to the things which are battling in the head. Grab the chance to have an honest friendship with Bette first, everything more will come naturally (or not) when the time is right.
Martha, Billy and DumplinT have captured my thoughts exactly. Tina would benefit from therapy herself to deal with the 9 year old guilt filled little girl and understand those confusing feelings before she embarks on any type of relationship with Bette or anyone. Glad she let Matt go, but she wasn’t honest with the reason why. She’s emotionally immature. I hope Bette’s sense of responsibility doesn’t push her to be with Tina prematurely. She’s got a lot of scars whether she is willing to admit it or not.
Great storyline. Looking forward to more.
On the same wavelength as Martha, Billy, Dumplin T and BAT here. This is a very nieve Tina and Bette can see it.
Love the connection between Bette and Shane and Alice and the storyline it gives us.
Looking forward to more so please post soon.
Stay safe
Agree with you about liking Shane, Alice and Bette’s friendship. She is well aware of the necessity of drawing barriers by telling S & Al that are going to have to find jobs and places of their own after graduation.
She doesn’t mind helping, but all of them need physical distance. Even Tina has an apartment as opposed to the easy option of staying in the guest house
Can´t wait for more.