Fan Fiction
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Situations
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“Tampon…” Bette sighed.
“Oh and you know what she does…” Tina added, “whenever she is in on her period we end up getting the papers on the floor where she has thrown them from them toilet and missed the bin…”
“Tina…”
“Just saying…”
“Okay…, so we have tampons and papers on the floor…” Alice noted, “what about shaving?”
“What?”
“Shaving…, legs, pits, bits…, you know…, shave or wax?”
Bette sighed, “depends…”
“Depends?” Alice looked puzzled, “on what?”
“Well if we’re going on holiday I’ll go for waxing so I don’t have to shave…, if we’re at home then I’ll probably just shave…”
“Babe…, be honest with her…” Tina said with a nudge.
Bette looked puzzled, “I am being honest, that is what I do…”
“Yeah, but not all the time…, you do go for a while sometimes…, without shaving…”
“Tina…, are you going to spill the beans about every facet of my personal life?”
“No…, just telling the truth…”
“So…, shaves most of the time, but we occasionally go for the European look…” Alice muttered. “Right, what about…” Alice looked up and down her list, deciding which on her list to go for, “make-up?”
“Make up?” Bette said, “Alice you already know I wear make up…”
“Yes, but we only see the perfectly made up Bette, what about before you apply it?”
“Before I put make up on?”
“Yes, what is your usual skin care routine?” Alice asked, adding a poshness to her voice as she posed the question.
Bette chuckled, “you do realise you are insane don’t you?”
“Possibly, but I am ‘normal’ insane…” Alice answered, “so your routine?”
“Usually cleanse first, squeeze the odd spot…, because yes Alice I do have them too, and then put make up on.”
“So, what about these spots…, blackheads, whiteheads, red pimples…, which are we talking about?”
“Just an odd spot now and again Al…” Bette added.
“What about that recurring one on your neck…” Tina said with satisfaction, “I like getting that one, seeing as you can’t reach it…”
“Oh I see, yes okay…, recurring one…” Alice noted, “okay…, do you ever accidently poke the mascara brush in your eye?” Alice asked as she looked back up from her notebook.
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LOL Jo you can always make me laugh out loud!! Thank you for this bit of fun on a gray day in Seattle. Bette most certainly is “normal,” all except for throwing used tampons at the trash can and missing….ick!!! LOL
Not used tampons, that would be ick – just the papers they come wrapped in LOL
That was just so funny. I loved it!!! Thank you
Haha this is great. So funny! Thanks for this :)
Thanks for this series of silly questions on everyday, normal, disgusting stuff. It’s so funny! Good to see you post again, Jo. I hope all is well in your world. Cheers! =)
OMG that was so fucking funny and cute, love it. Thanks for the post ansd please post more, thanks!
Too funny.
FUNNY!Poor Bette.Thank you and PPS
Effing brilliant!! you had me in stitches thank you for this amazing post.
that has me chuckle, my wife is giving me strange looks good one xx
Oh, thank Goddess!!! I had this visual in my head that was pure ick!! LOL Thanks again Jo!!!
verry funny thank you this is amazing story!!!!
What a lovely treat! Thank you for posting
LOL…OK i dont normally”Do”the bodily functions thing…it happenens!Ideal with it!so inbetween the lol i had to feel sorry for Poor Bette..Her cover was kinda blown as the perfect hot woman..Alice as always brill..But i still think Bettes Granny pants would be cooler than anyones elses!!!Like old times enjoying a chapter from you..Nice one!
Oh Gawwwd, Jo! What have you done??? You just destroyed my Porter fantasy and ended my Bettesexual life forever!!! That first comment from Tina was soooooo not necessary!!! And the wind thing under the cover with Tina?… Gawwwd!!! Okay now, back to my Tibetteland where they don’t burp, don’t fart, don’t drool on the pillow during the night, don’t have bad breath, don’t have stinky feet,… That was hilarious though. But how come, in spite of this “wonderful” chapter of yours, I still see Bette Porter as a goddess?!!… I guess that’s what you call “love”!!! Thanks Jo… ;)
Hahahahahahaha ! This was hilarious. That being said, we all know those are big fat lies. Bette doesn’t do any of those things, come on ! Goddesses don’t ( excuse my French ) poop, let alone fart or pick their noses and they are born with make-up on, they don’t need to apply it or wash their faces. In the words of Lady Gaga, Bette was just born this way ;) I’m with Kword on this one, going back to read stories where Bette and Tina are only shown under the best light … Hahaha ! BTW, weren’t we supposed to get one last chapter of Discovering Aphrodite ? ;)
HYSTERICAL!! : I burp, I fart, I wear big pants that have gone grey in the wash…, I even pick my nose occasionally…, and they ask me if I’m normal…, of course I’m fucking normal…”…Bette in Granny Pants – Love it!! But no matter – she’s still is and always will be(along w/Tina) the Hottest Lesbian on TV. (Even if she was doing “gay for pay”…) TiBette will always be our fanfic super heroines! How many years has it been since the show stopped??!…and look at “US”…never ending! As a reader, rather than a writer…I pray to Aphrodite herself, may these authors never run out of their imagination,desire…etc. Whatever it is that keeps them going – please Goddess inspire them eternally! Gratefully Yours, Hellbent(and everyone else that continues to read)Jobadge – I still want my Flora, Fauna and Merriweather type happy ending for Discovering Aphrodite. All you have to do is wave your magic wand over your keyboard! LoL
OH – & BTW – thanx for clarifying the tampons not hitting the floor -just the paper coverings! That would have killed it for me FOR SURE! Yucky! OH – and what’s w/that “wind” thing?! Is it a Brit thing? Cause a fart is a fart, and wind(although it might sound “refined”)…wind is something Mother Nature uses to blow through her Tree-Hair! (so to speak). Now if Bette admitted to lighting her farts on fire…I might have peed in my pants laughing!
my god jobadge, you have made my fucking week, i`ve never laughed so much,please girl keep these one-offs coming,there always appreciated, much love…….jb…x
LMAO, this was hilarious…Bette Porter is normal LOL
I’ve often wondered if Bette was perfect. In the show, there aren’t any nasty little habits on display.
awsomee.!!! so funny and so true Bette always looks so perfect
Totally hilarious!
How simply wonderful was this update. THank you for this story. I read it in the office and had to control myself with not laughing out loud. Love it. Thank you.
Hahaha omg this is the funniest story I’ve ever read!
You know, Alice has the balls and dares to ask questions about things we all want to know but don’t dare to ask Way to go Alice!
I had a ball. Hilariously written. Thank you, tears are still rolling of my cheeks.