“Tee.  I was so controlling when we were together.  I gave you no voice in our relationship.  I dismissed your feelings and I focused on being the breadwinner when you quit your job that I made you submissive.  I regret that so much.  In my head you were my equal but I definitely didn’t show you that in my actions”. She pauses for a moment and sighs as I continue to listen to her heartfelt words

“I see that I was narcissistic and thought the world revolved around me and everything should be the way I wanted it and needed it.  And after the miscarriage I didn’t know how to reach you and I flailed.  I don’t blame you for shutting me out because I had put you into a box and I wasn’t willing to listen to you and I completely disconnected from you because I lost control.  I didn’t have it anymore and it scared me.  I had all this pressure on me with Provocations and trying to be strong for you and us.  And then Candace happened”. she pauses and I swallow hard as I have blamed her so much for her affair ruining our relationship but I was more at fault in that than Bette ever thought of being.

“God Tee.  It was never love with her.  I never saw her that way.  It was an escape from myself, from the pressure at work,  from the pain of losing our son, from the pain of feeling our relationship was out of my grasp and I couldn’t hold on to it.  I was losing everything because I had no control and she was there giving me attention and making me feel like I was wanted.  I was broken Tina.  It was a release from my reality.  That was all.  I am not making excuses because there isn’t one.  It was the biggest mistake of my life and one I will always deeply regret.  I just hope you can forgive me because I haven’t to this day ever fully forgiven myself”. She says wiping her tears away and I find myself wiping mine.  And I find for the first time after everything we have been through I am at peace.  I reach over and rub her shoulder and she is looking at me pleadingly