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All The White Horses: Part Three (3/5)
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Grasping Alice’s hands in her own, stilling their movement, Dana met
their eyes and said, “What do you see when you look at me? Because I
don’t know anymore, Al. I look in the mirror and I know it’s me but I
don’t recognize the person I’m looking at.”
“Dana,” Alice said her name in a whisper. Shaking her hands out of
Dana’s hold, she lifted them up to stroke the athlete’s cheek gentle
and loving. “I see you.” Rising up on her tiptoes, resting their
foreheads together, Alice said in a forceful murmur, “I see you.”
“But I don’t even look like me anymore,” said Dana brokenly, sinking
into Alice’s arms and breathing in the scent of her shampoo. Burying
her face in the crook of the blonde’s neck, she squeezed her eyes shut
and before she realized it, the words began spilling from her mouth
fast and tearful. “The more treatment I get the more I don’t look like
myself and it’s like I’m not even the person you fell in love with
anymore. I keep changing and I don’t want to change, Al! But there’s
nothing I can do to stop it and it’s only going to get worse.”
Feeling entirely uneasy and startled by what she just heard, Alice said
carefully, “What do you mean it’s only going to get worse?” No answer
came and the blonde pulled away from Dana to clasp her shoulders and
duck her head down to meet their eyes. “Dana,” she began, her voice
warm and comforting but laced with an undeniable strength. “What did
you mean when you said it’s only going to get worse?”
“Dr. Fields called today,” said Dana hoarsely, shaking free of Alice’s
hold and wrapping the blanket around her body to cover it from view.
She couldn’t tell Alice about this and let her look at her at the same
time. It would be yet another reminder of how she was changing because
of this disease, and not for the better. “The scans he took, they
showed that the cancer has spread to my lymph nodes. I told him I
wanted a mastectomy.”
“When?” asked Alice thickly, sounding heavy with resignation.
“Next week? I don’t know,” Dana replied, wrapping the blanket around
herself all the more tightly. She felt certain Alice’s lack of response
had proven her point. That this disease was changing her too much,
enough that Alice couldn’t recognize the person she fell in love with
anymore. And that she didn’t really want Dana but she couldn’t leave
her. Not in a situation like this. It was all right though. Cancer
ridden or not, Dana was very much capable of leaving. Whether it be a
room, relationship, or even this life. She could leave it. In fact,
that was probably all she could do at this point. “It’s okay, Al,” said
Dana quietly, taking a step towards the window to stare out at the
setting sun. “I understand and it’s okay. I don’t blame you.”
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Wow, I know you’re an amazing writer from prior fics but you are outdoing yourself on this one. It’s truly amazing and I loved reading it. The details are fantastic. I’m hoping for a happy ending for our girls….but I’m sure you will do the story justice. Thank you!
wow…oh wow! you definitely outdid yourself on this fic. i loved how you focused so much on their unwavering love for each other despite all the changes. their relationship will only get stronger as long as they go along w/ the changes and not stubbornly hold on to the past. i don’t know a lot about cancer treatment, but shouldn’t dana have the mastectomy first and then chemotherapy? anyway, awesome story.
Crumbs!!! That was absolutley awesome, I loved it, from begininng to end. I think your such a talented writer. Besides layla, that it blows my mind. I read it twice, it is a great, great story and I can’t wait for the cont. Please post when ye can and I’m glad ye have a life now ( ;Cheers!!! Peace.
this was great and it took me all afternoon to read it I just hope that in this story dana will beat the cancer and they will have a happy ever after please post soon
This was AMAZING! after watching what i personaly thought wasn’t a great danish season, i have decided that the show should use your story for season 3 as it is PERFECT xxx
I am not fawning but I am speechless. Dayum, girl…you can write…but you already knew that. I can guess that you don’t care much about Bette and Tina. But in general, what do you think of the season so far? Dana dies in this upcoming episode. That sucks and IMO will unbalance the karma of the group. I don’t see you post very often on the MBs but would be interested in your posting your perspective.
Thanks, thanks, thanks if at least we had had the chance of this in the show :( . Great as always.
azmama – My thoughts are rarely logical but here is their twisted train during the airing of episode 310 via a post in my lame ass LJ.http://dreiser.livejournal.com/39785.html
Heartbreaking – but so much love. Don’t we all long for such a connection. I haven’t seen Series 3, but from what has been said on the boards, I can only feel that this storyline has been dreadfully mishandled and has been treated with very little sensitivity or honesty – the only redeeming feature being the way in which ED and LeH have portrayed their roles. Your story is overwhelming in its emotional impact. I wish IC would read and learn. I think I may have said it before, but you are an amazing writer and I am humbled in your presence.
wow beautiful i just read ur story not sure if i’ve read it before amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!