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    Missing. 2

    Story written on January 9, 2007 by New Dawn Fades.
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    13 votes, average: 4.08 out of 513 votes, average: 4.08 out of 513 votes, average: 4.08 out of 513 votes, average: 4.08 out of 513 votes, average: 4.08 out of 5 (13 votes, average: 4.08 out of 5)
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    Number of Comments: 6
    Words: 3262
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=63930
    Author Notes:

    So much of me has been about her…..

     The shaman that night at dinner, I asked him how many people came here looking for forgiveness. He told me every six moons. He says mostly people come to smoke weed and listen to Pink Floyd. He said that after they listen to Dark side of the moon they ask him for guidance on how to be better accounts or lovers. He laughed that he charged them for the advice. I laughed with him. He was serious in his tone afterward  saying that he would on occasion find bloodied strung out travelers like myself who needed guidance.

     

     

    That old man…I never knew his name. He tried to get me to talk. He tried to get me to admit that I was ready to forgive myself. I made up my mind that night that I had to leave. I was in no way ready to forgive myself about anything. I told him simply…..

     

     

     

     “I am supposed to…..cry and admit that killing Fast Eddie was acceptable behavior? Think about it this way….you love, you feel love, you focus, you are happy and then one day dad decides he wants to kill mom and he does? Think about it. Really think about it. Think about your world. Think about it being over. Done over and out. Think about how it burns that people will function normally…… then think about how you love to drink and how you love to break things, how you are starting to like the taste of your own blood. How use to it you are. The way it runs down your throat. The way it seems to be right where it belongs. Think about how exited you get watching glass break.”

     

     

    “You are in love with your self destruction….”

     

     

    “Yes old man I am…..it is the only way for me…..”

     

     

    “No…it is the only way you know how to be….but there are always different ways to be.”

     

     

    “I thank you for your help….but I can’t do this anymore….the quiet the isolation it only makes me think of her more. It only makes me think of how much I failed…I will be leaving first light….”

     

     

    “Young one….you can’t stop wishing if you don’t let go……”

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    Comments

    2. Yeah Carmen! Go get your woman! I am glad she is finally admitting she can’t live without her. The list was heartbreaking! Can’t wait to see what you have in store for us next.

    4. I’m completely captivated by your fics.I must say I like that they are apart because we get to see the yearning they have for eachother. I especially love reading about their love from Carmen’s point of view.So looking forward to the next update!:)

    5. Better late than never Carmen, but I do wonder how long it will take for her to find Shane in the big ol world. When she does find her it will definitley be interesting!

    6. “But give the kid a break. He is a little boy who lost something close to him.” Not to mention he was kidnapped by some loon and probably saw his grandparents’ violent murder. To say the little guy has experienced some traumatic events would be an understatement. I totally get that. It’s just that the whole situation made me think about parents, the way parents raise their kids, the way the kids react to the world around them, character, etc. It was my first and honest reaction to what I read, and, for the most part, it still is (just tryin’ to be honest here). Now, I may not like certain behaviors (in any character of any story — it’s just bound to happen SOMEtime), but if they *make sense* for the character and *make sense* for the story, who am I to argue, right? And, in this case, they totally make sense for both. Anywho, the story makes me think, react, and reflect (as you may already know. LOL!), and it always makes for good discussion (whether it’s dissecting a character, discussing dynamics, or deciphering lyrics). I’m always excited to read things like that. It’s not just some ho hum read that I’ll forget as soon as I’m finished with it. I look forward to whatever you bring to your adoring audience (which most certainly includes me).

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