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Missing. 2
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I think about it.
Stop it.
Stop it.
Ch 4
Your son cries now for the oddest reasons. He can’t get back to sleep because Shane is not here to make him feel better. You cry with him but you don’t show him. You wonder again if you made a mistake. You wonder how exactly can you be so stupid to abandon the only person on this planet who really knows who you are. You question why and scream in your mind like a hysterical woman constantly running from the killer only to trip and fall on an invisible leaf.
Yes that invisible leaf is your stupid conscience.
You say to yourself; Carmen. You are the one who told Shane to go away. You’re the one who said that stupid thing about setting her free. You’re the one who is selfish and stupid and afraid. You’re the one beating the dead horse with you’re stupid assertion that Shane is better of without you. That you are better off without Shane. That you’re son is better off without both of us.
You realize that you have now begun the insane habit of referring to yourself in the third person or it second…fuck I don’t fucking know…..
I sleep with Marco in his room. It’s the only way he will go to sleep. I need to admit the obvious; that I need Shane the way heart attacks need aspirin. I need to admit that I felt bad about not feeling bad that I killed that man who took my son. I need to admit that I am wrong. That I love Shane with everything in me. I need to admit it all. I need to admit that I am me, that I miss the way Shane crawls all over me, the way she feels inside of me, the ways the smiles at Marco and plays with him no matter how tired she is……I need to admit it and get on with it.
Is this the first step?
How exactly am I going to go about finding her?
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…….. the drama…. im like at your feet lol
Yeah Carmen! Go get your woman! I am glad she is finally admitting she can’t live without her. The list was heartbreaking! Can’t wait to see what you have in store for us next.
I’ve been reading this series from the start and just have to say….your writing is just flat out genius. Thanks so much for sharing your gift.
I’m completely captivated by your fics.I must say I like that they are apart because we get to see the yearning they have for eachother. I especially love reading about their love from Carmen’s point of view.So looking forward to the next update!:)
Better late than never Carmen, but I do wonder how long it will take for her to find Shane in the big ol world. When she does find her it will definitley be interesting!
“But give the kid a break. He is a little boy who lost something close to him.” Not to mention he was kidnapped by some loon and probably saw his grandparents’ violent murder. To say the little guy has experienced some traumatic events would be an understatement. I totally get that. It’s just that the whole situation made me think about parents, the way parents raise their kids, the way the kids react to the world around them, character, etc. It was my first and honest reaction to what I read, and, for the most part, it still is (just tryin’ to be honest here). Now, I may not like certain behaviors (in any character of any story — it’s just bound to happen SOMEtime), but if they *make sense* for the character and *make sense* for the story, who am I to argue, right? And, in this case, they totally make sense for both. Anywho, the story makes me think, react, and reflect (as you may already know. LOL!), and it always makes for good discussion (whether it’s dissecting a character, discussing dynamics, or deciphering lyrics). I’m always excited to read things like that. It’s not just some ho hum read that I’ll forget as soon as I’m finished with it. I look forward to whatever you bring to your adoring audience (which most certainly includes me).