Fan Fiction
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September
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“Oh Bette, you didn’t. How did Tina react?”
“Well it was bad enough that I made all the arrangements without her, but she didn’t get to meet Marcus until the day we went to the cryobank to make the donation. I hadn’t told her that Marcus was Black. Peggy it didn’t even occur to me that it would be an issue for her. When we started talking about having a baby, we’d said that if she was the birth mother, we would consider an African American donor so that the baby would reflect the both us. I was so taken aback by her reaction that I took it as a personal rejection of who I was. We were pretty much committed by this time, so Marcus made the donation then he left the country on his group tour. Afterwards we talked it through and found that it was mostly fear that caused her to react the way she did. She didn’t feel qualified to be the mother of a child that was half-African American because she said she didn’t know what it meant to be Black.”
“Isn’t that where you would come in being raised as a bi-racial child yourself?”
“That’s what I said. Then she adds that it would be too much “otherness” for the child not only being bi-racial but also having two moms. I felt so dejected. She assured me that she loved me, and she loved who I was. I told her that I loved her and if I had her commitment to spend the rest of our lives together, we would work through any obstacles that we encountered. We re-connected as a couple and for a little while things got good again between us. Finally, Tina put her fears to rest and agreed to use Marcus’s sperm. Even though she had quit her job, continued to prepare her body, and did the insemination in a doctor’s office with viable sperm she still didn’t conceive right away. The continued disappointments and her growing depression finally took a toll on our relationship and this time we didn’t bounce back. Our relationship was at its worst point and we were living separate lives. She felt like a failure for not being able to get pregnant and after a while she just gave up hope. She’d continued the insemination at the doctor’s office, but she had no expectations of getting pregnant and she’d stopped taking the pregnancy test. I was miserable at the CAC in a job that I’d taken only to support a child that might never be. I still loved her. Through everything I never stopped loving her, but I was emotionally distant, and we had no physical intimacy. That’s when she met Helena and started the affair. She didn’t even know she was pregnant until Helena pointed out the changes in her body. Helena and our friends knew she was pregnant before I did. I just happen to overhear a conversation Helena was having with Alice, Shane and Dana at the Planet. My first thought was that Helena had finally taken everything that meant anything to me including my dream for motherhood.”
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Great Post, thank you.
SG
Thank you SassyGran. Glad you enjoyed it.
Great job Peggy. Fortunately, Tina and Bette have had some this conversation a 18 months ago when they were reconciling. They talked about Tina’s role in keeping the two apart during the pregnancy. Tina admitted that she stayed with Helena because she felt loved, appreciated and gratified with the attention. She admitted that she was not ready to allow Bette to fully participate in the pregnancy but didn’t have an explanation as to why. Was she punishing Bette for all the problems she had getting pregnant? Tina did admit that she never really considered what her actions were doing to Bette. She only considered her feeling and desires at the moment, That was obvious when Bette was taken by complete surprise when Tina said she wanted to move back in with Bette just prior to the baby’s birth. Anyway, this is a good time for Tina to see Emma and rehash some of those things. Why did she keep pushing Bette away? There is something more to the reasons Bette and Tina separated to begin with. Perhaps Tina is still not aware of what that is, but she needs to bring them to the surface so they will not cause the same response. And what is she going to do to avoid the same reaction with this pregnancy and the attempts which are bound to happen? How is she going to keep from feeling like a failure when each month the test say there is no baby?
Bette and Tina are in a better place and they are communicating better. They have made some drastic changes in their lives just recently. New jobs for both which are entrepreneurial in nature and call for more hours and more stress to get off the ground. Now Bette has accepted the Director of the Peabody Foundation which is somewhat of an unknown as to the amount of hours and stress in that job. They are both older by eight years and have a precocious little girl who will need her parents as much as ever. Perhaps they need to see Emma before the insemination starts. Peggy is right. Tina has to pledge to be there for Bette and their family just as much as Bette does. But she must do more than pledge, she must be ready with the tools and skills to avoid the pitfalls of her history so there won’t be a repeat.
Great bit of writing. The story of the search for the donor was priceless. I agree with Bette. I was funny unless you’re the one trying to get pregnant. Nice way to use some of the canon of TLW. There were so many little incidents like those that some times we just forget. And with stories like this, we can enjoy the enhanced version.
Thank you for this chapter….
Hi Martha, as usual your observations are very insightful. Many of your thoughts will be addressed in the next chapter or two. Thanks for reading and reminding me that Bette and Tina did discuss some of this when they got back together.
Great writing BAT2012!!!!
Peggy is so right and i am glad that Bette takes her advice in consederation and acknowlegde it.
Bette and Tina spoke about that time, but it is important that Tina looks to herself and be open about her feelings, her fears and actions.
I think Martha made good points in her comment.
Thanks for this wonderful chapter!
Bibi28. Thank you. Glad you enjoyed the chapter. Tina will definitely be encouraged to do some more introspection. Really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.