“You shouldn’t have come back, then” another cold response. “It was pretty clear you didn’t want anything to do with me. It was like you came back to the house, not to me. Even though I was here with you, it was like I was invisible. I tried anything – anything to draw your attention but nothing seemed to work. You spend a whole year treating me like a fucking punch bag; pointing up the fact that I wasn’t working and that we had a child and we needed money, making me feel like a fucking failure… like I didn’t count anything!” I choke on my own breath that is stuck in my throat due to the huge knot just formed there. I swallow hard, “I… I felt like I couldn’t do anything to be able to reach you. I just wanted to feel wanted; I just wanted some support; I just wanted my life back; I wanted my partner to look at me and say that everything was going to be alright and that I was going to be able to adopt my child. I’ve always been your fortress and now that I show weakness, you turn your back on me and run to a man, just to feel the security. Well, fuck you. Enjoy it, enjoy your hetero life and spare me the ‘This isn’t fair’ thing. I know I hurt you badly over a year ago but give me a break for God’s sake. If you didn’t want to forgive me, you shouldn’t have delude me that way. THIS isn’t unfair” I’m holding back my tears, I don’t want her to see me cry. I don’t want her to see Bette Porter fail once more time. But it’s just too hard it almost hurts; I get up and run to the bathroom, closing the door behind me. I break down, for the one hundredth time in almost a year, and no one is here to catch me. I hope she could come here and hold me; letting me know that this is just a bad dream.

            I’ve been here for almost thirty minutes, I guess. I’m looking at my reflection in the mirror. God, I almost can’t recognize my own image. I look like someone who has been deprived of her own life. Well, I’ve always thought that Tina was my life… so that’s true, my life isn’t in my body anymore. I splash some water on my face and exit the bathroom. I go to the living room and I notice that Tina fell asleep on the couch. She’s so beautiful. How strange it is that despite the hurt we caused to each other I still hope that things could take another turn and come back at how they were before; or even better. But, when I look at her I can sense the pain… You can’t stay with someone when every time you look at them you automatically think about the hurt and angst happened in the last two years. I tried to make the right thing; and I think she did it too. We tried to let go of the bad things happened between us. But they are still here… Apparently we failed miserably.